Yes I am complaining cause im tired and sick of DTS

So...the last few days have been really tough. There have beena lot of things going on in my spirit, that maybe I havent wanted to happen, or maybe just wasn't ready to have happen and Im exhausted and regretting DTS majorly.

So we had a Relationships video thing all week. Which was actually really good...like REALLY good. But yeah...i've realised alot of sin in my life that i tthought i was over, but its clearly not. So im feeling kind of depressed but trying to identify and realise lies in my life...

Sometimes i hate being a christian. But yes i do at the minute.

Tony Webster (i.e Boring Face)

The Last Night Of Freedom!

The Last Night of Freedom

So DTS has nearly started. In about an hour and a half it starts. Josh isn't coming but hey...

Last night was a real blast, or as Leah would say, it was 'bangin'. or 'stellar'. but that just reminds me of my friend nick stellar...which reminds me to meet up with him. I got tickets for the megan mullally show...yknow Karen from Will and Grace...?

Anyway..we played a lot of card games with signals no one knew, except the master of cards, Lez. Then we played sardines and i hid in the dumpster. haha! Leah and Dehanna nearly wet themselves laughing at my laugh...it kinda sounds like mutley...but hey..i can;t help it, cause my mum laughs almost the same.

Then the second game was sarines too, but Leah and Dehanna hid up a tree and in a feeble attempt to climb it to, i ripped my trousers open from crotch to the knee! which kinda annoyed me cause i flipping love those trousers..anyway..i hafta ask Kizzy t sew them for me. Cause its too much to hand sew.

We then played this game were we had to capture the other team...when they were tryin to capture us, i was smart and hid near the 'jail' so i could free my teamates, but after freeign one girl, who ran the wrong way and got caught, i feel and got caught too...so instead of winning i just ended upa loser with a cut arm and knee with a hole in my trousers...ahh...but still. it was a stellar bangin time all the same. I love my new Dts.

Tony

Ode to Joshua Boelk

Less than five minutes ago, the computer lab was arife with the hustle and bustle of DTS students using computers...and now I am alone. And I am feeling quite melancholic. I'm not too sure why....i'm not sad or alone really..i just feel this way a bit.

I heard from Josh today, and he has got the big go ahead for DTS...i really hope he does it! Cause not only is he one of my best mates, but he is the most real genuine guys ever. He doesnt put on this fake, 'I'm an amazing Christian' attitude and is shockingly real, but in a good way. I seen him grow so much this summer, and i was lucky to be a part of that. I miss not having him as a roommate. Like when i was home and had my own room, i just longed for a good Josh conversation. And i've been praying fo rhim a lot, that he would come do DTS, cause i really feel it is in Gods plan for him. So if your reading this Josh...please come to L.A.

I'm listening to a song by Christina Aguilera called 'The Right Man'. Oh, my iPod just done something weird..i hope it is not breaking! Anyway...I'm gonna leave this blog with a sense of saddness. Ah....I love my new DTS students, they all seem like really nice people... I can't wait to get to know them.

Slan go foil. (Bye bye)

Dont Die Anna Faris!!

So..new students started to arrive, and its been pretty exciting getting to see everybody. Nealry everybody is here, and I am very excited to get know these guys...(and gurls.) In my trailer so far there is Me, Marc, Lez and Eivan. (i think its pronounced Ivan, but i cant spell it, hes from Norway.) So we are still waiting on 7 more guys..but there are 21 girls! We are severly outnumbered, but it should be fun. The gurls seem likea fun good bunch. The ones i remember so far..Lea, from New York, she seems like a lot of fun, so it will be interseting getting to know her. And Dehannah (ive probbably spelt it wrong) but she seems crazy too! Then there is rachel...and Eidi and Marie, and of course crazy Mary from Norway...and we have a girl from France, and another girl from Switzerland, who is friends with Solenn and Sandrine. Kinda crazy but fun..there are a buunch more..but anmes are escaping me...

So last night i hung out with the girls for a bit, cause the guys were missing in action, and i got some new music for my tin whistle...which excited me....




also..and right now im listening to Christina Aguileras new album...i flipping love it. Anyway...Moses is gonna spray paint my shoes gold, im excited! haha! Today i feel like a steek cause im wearing tracksuit bottoms and an umbro teeshirt! Wee smick like! haha! So i scrapbooked some more and spoke to Susie and Lauren...and they told me i was pretty...

So i went to bed after having some Irish stew...yuummy....but i had the weirdest dream ever. It was like this Mission Impossible thing, but Anna Faris (froim scary movie was in it) it was a murder mystery. I was in my living room, from my old house on the donegall road, and there was like this demon dog trying to bite me, so i ad to hang onto the light and spin around on it. Then there was this big adventrue at this swimming place, and i sneaked through secret passage ways, and drove a car and knockled down some police men, it was weird. Then me and the other guy..(i dont know who it was) were in South Africa, but it was Antarcia, and we were sitting in the ice, with our coats and hats and things, around this fire...then we had to go rescue Anna Faris and this other old glamourous lady. So we did and then the other guy brought us to this train tunnel and we were riding on this really small board on the tracks (lying down) and trains were flying towards us and we were going under them.Anna was sooo scared (well so was I, it was pretty scary!) so she put her hand out to scrape the ground to get a grip and stop, but it pulled her body up and she got impaled on this pole thing, right through the neck, it was so sad and scary, cause she was alive, and then the pole started shaking so she couldnt get free and her neck broke. I think i was crying, it was so sad, and alot more graphic than in this blog..i was so sad. I love Anna Faris..

Susie Lauren and Big Fat pregnant Alison!

So...two blogs in one day! Not exactly...the last one was from yesterday, however, I couldn't post it, cause Myspace was doing what it does best. NOT WORKING. So here is Todays actual blog! I hope you enjoyed the last one..this ones a bit more light hearted...

So, its been really nice (not having much to do, but still just being here) I've been having a lot of fun with Lauren and Susie. Susie is this english chick, who is maybe a toff, but hides it well with her dirty humor! haha! I think i love her...actually i do! I didnt have a toothbrush and was feeling like a big stink rat, so Susie was going out with Big Pregnant Alison and bought me a toothbrush...not just any toothbrush...an electric one! Not just any electric one, A SPIDERMAN ELECTRIC ONE! Flippity flip flip! The most amazing toothbrush ever!

Then last night we went out for ice cream, and I seemed to be the only one who knew the way there...so when we got there...turns out I'd taken them to the wrong place! haha! So while Lauren disguised her anger....(she was sooo mad pretending not to be!)...she picked up some Klondike (i hate the name) cones and we ate some of those bad boys. So, we got in the car, and drove to subway a few blocks up, (Than and Jonas wanted subway..and they offered me a drink so i had to take it, seeing i forgot to get my euros changed! (Good excuse i know!) So, we parked beside these people, and this one girl, the driver, called these guys over, and was like 'Listen to this' and played some ridiculous emo music...so we decided to do some thing (the cars were right beside each other, like you had to be careful getting out cause they were so close) so we opened out windows and put on some classical music! Lauren and Susie were cracking up, but I, a true thespian, held my composure...as you do, they didnt seem to flinch, (the other people) i think maybe they were embarrassed...anyway..when a spare space came free, we drove right to the subway door. Than and Jonas were taking ages cause they were flirting with the women inside...so we put on some more mexican and classical music and blasted it! The car from before (now behind us) the guys standing outside the car both turned round and lookmed right at us. It was hilarious. So then Lauren and me got outta the car and had a dance party in the street in front of subway. It was fun! Then Than and Jonas came out, and Than joined in..it was a great time! Then when we came back to the base, we had somemore klondike (ugh) cones and chilled ofr a bit..and i drank my recently purchased Subway Coke. yummy. Well..my little bluetooth device is well sweet for pictures...so check out these bad boys!

Over and out - Seargant Tony.

This is the hot little toff Susie


This is Lauren...both innocent and seductive...she can be both cause shes part mexican you know...




This is the amazing toothbrush (and me and susie!)


This is my room! It might look a bit like a dump now...but i assure you...its gonna get nicer soon!

Probably my most personal blog EVER!

Okay. So this is a very personal blog. And it’s also a tiny bit annoying to write, just cause I had nearly finished when all of a sudden I lost everything I was typing. But I’m gonna do it again. Just cause its important to me. So…November 2005. My one year anniversary as a Christian. I had just left home due to family problems. I was living with my friend, Glenn, in Bangor. I didn’t have much to do, cause I had dropped out of Uni as well. So all I had to do was go to the beach down by my friend’s house. It is a really nice spot. Sometimes cold, actually always cold, but the sea is nice and the beach is beautiful. There are a lot of rocks, but I like rocky beaches. So…I spent a lot of time down at the beach, writing journal entries. This was a time when I really started seeking God and really started to feel his presence. I just found these entries in my bag I packed for America! So I think there is some relevance in them. So I am gonna type them up and let you read them. They are personal, so appreciate them and let me know if you have any thoughts. I thought this would be a nice interesting way for people who haven’t known me that long to kind of see into my past. The bold writing are song quotes I was listening too at the time of writing. Excuse the Pussycat Dolls one. Haha! Other bold things are thoughts and bible verses! Track the progress over the weekend period I wrote these! God is good!


Friday 11th November

I just sit here and wonder – why isn’t Christian life really easy. I mean we’ve got God on our side, yet for me to be writing this contradicts it. I mean I know God is real, and loves me, but as I think that – I feel nothing. Just void of emotion. It was good for a few months and all, then there’s just been this increasing ‘nothing’. No communication, despite various attempts. It is very easy for people to say ‘everyone has a dry spell, or feels disconnected’. I fear that the enemy has a grip on me and I just can’t release it. I mean, even at home things are bad. We all make effort, but my parent’s just make me so angry and I hate the effect living there has on me. I just can’t stay there any longer. I’m also considering dropping out of University and just disappearing. I just want God to reach to me and take my hand. I can’t imagine he likes to see me feeling so down. Lord, I just want you to open the eyes of my heart.

PLEASE LORD, I AM DESPERATE AND THIRSTY!

Perhaps I am holding myself back.

I’ve got he freedom to stand, the future is mine, I’m going to give all I can – to break down these walls that hold me in, You’re my reason to live.

Monday 15th November

The beach is blowing moderate coldness on the old skin here. I’ll tough it out though to write this out. This is a time of much thought of reflection and learning – which seems to happen every time I come to Bangor aka The North pole of Ireland. ABSOLUTLY BALTIC!
Prayer was amazing last night, one of the most ‘connected’ prayers I’ve had in a long time. I’ve just really discovered giving ‘it’ to God. ‘It’ being whatever I feel is holding me back, my chains, my problems. My soul feels lighter, which can only be good and things seem to be on the up!
BESIDES THE STUPID ROYAL MAIL JOB I DIDN’T GET!
So I went round Bangor looking for a we job to keep me going for a while. Then, with God help and much lessons learnt, I will be home for Christmas. So…what should I call my time here? Down Time? Reflection? Spiritual retreat? I shall use a Numinous lyric here to sum up what I feel is happening.

“I was black and white before you came, now I am burning with a brighter kind of flame.”

The clouds are looking a bit dodgy, but should I really be that surprised? It’s Bangor!! So I am feeling pretty positive about being here. My only worry is Sharon and Shelby – haha! Not ‘Shelby’, that’s a furby thing, I mean, Selby. Tut, it is the beach and all the shells. I presume Gods telling me to buy a Shelby.
The point was…I don’t want to put them out for too long. Well...I’ve just got frostbite so I’m heading back.

I realize now that the hurt I feel is my discipline. How often we complain when we feel disciplined by God, and never seem to credit him for the wound he heals. The wound is a lesson, we might not like it, but that’s how God works. We often attribute all our hurt towards God and forget he is the one we should attribute ALL aspects of our life, especially the good. For how do we learn if we don’t make mistakes and come out the other end better for it?

“We take the good days from God – why not the bad?” Job 2.10

Job 2.22 “You’ll shrug off disaster and famine and stroll fearlessly through/among wild animals.’

This is the challenging part. I have had my fair share of disaster (clearly not famine though) so it is a bit difficult to get a firm grip on the concept of this verse. I see it to be more of an example of God’s might, as there are many Christians that DO go through famine and disaster in other countries. I guess it is hard to gauge ‘disaster’ because people have different degrees of disaster. I mean, my sisters hair straighten-ers breaking would be a disaster. Whereas, the Tsunami and Asian earthquakes are ACTUAL disasters.

Why do we presume to tell God of his plan for us, rather than actually listening and being obedient? We are the ones muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing his purposes. Let us answer the questions and God ask them.

Tuesday 15th November

“Well, another Bangor beach day, just chilling and listening to God. Truly Amazing. I’ve really had my mind on Job the last few days – the book from the Bible, and the song by Cindy Morgan. Which I didn’t actually know was about Job until Glenn told me. There was a time earlier where I just stood in pure awe of God, the beach, the power of it all just overwhelmed me. It was truly amazing. I just hope God gives me peace to enjoy the world a whole lot more. As I just stood near the water, down at the beach, I just began to cry in pure happiness.

Nobody ever made me feel this way, I’m gonna stick with you. Nobody gonna love me better, I’m gonna stick with you.

There was class, amazing rainbow earlier and I could see exactly where it ended, I’ve never seen the end of one before. Despite the wind and cold, it’s another amazing day on Earth.

No one can see inside the love I’m trying to hide. Come closer to me.

I went up the beach and made a sign out of rocks saying –God *heart* You. Someone could stop by and be inspired, I get inspired by the most random things!

I know I have a place, here in Amazing Grace, forever safe, forever sound.

It’s amazing that we all have a reason to live. What is the meaning of life?? So many smart people ask that question, but for me – it’s simple. JESUS.
ZoeGirl’s – Reason to Live, is a cracking wee song, just perfect in helping to understand the reason for life and Jesus. They are a class band, very pop, very upbeat, pure loving life.

All I want to be seen, is the light of God shining on me.

I am just so excited, If I am completely amazingly in awe of our world, imagine heaven! Complete class, gold streets and unlimited Bountys!! Oh, the sun looks like it is coming out again. I’m going to try and play guitar soon.

One drop of blood from the whole in your hand is enough to make me stay.

Ok, in the time it took me to write that, the sun pure disappeared! Oh here comes the rain, I’ll be back soon!
*A bit later* I’m about one mile up the beach, about two hours later. The sand in this part is really nice and white. Sorry the writing is worse, it is cause my hands are freezing and numb. In the absence of writing, I’ve just had an even sweller time. All praise to God, today’s been class. My feet are wet, covered in sand, but I don’t care, because...I LOVE GOD.

*Even Later* Well, after I decide dot head back, I tried to shortcut the river. And of course I miscalculated the jump and landed right in the middle of it and near smashed my knee open. It’s kinda sore. Damn the stupid Beginners Guitar book, I cant even do the stupid chords!! But Damn Fiona even more for writing a song with a stupid C# and F# minors!”

Back to the Future

So yesterday, Spetember 11th, I flew from Dublin to L.A. And it was a wee bit scary. There was heightened security. But the plane was sweet, cause there was hardly anyone on it, so i had lots of room to spread out and just relax. We watched a bunch of movies and then I listened to some music..and it was kinda boring, but uneventful. So i got into L.A around 3pm and Pete picked me up.

So now i am back at L.A. And it is weird. Just case it feels like i wasnt home. And now im scared cause there are DTS things happening and im worried that Im gonna end up ripped apart but not in a good way! haha!

I'll keep everyone updated...please email me if you want! aw_webster@hotmail.co.uk

I've got support letters for those who would like to pray and consider supporting me!

Luke Skywalker is Jesus! (in a way!)

I'm kind of in shock. I came on Myspace and Hotmail to see what the world and my peeple out there had for me....and guess what...nothing...! Except one comment from my friend Jane saying 'What country are you in.' I'm disapointed and disheartened at myspace.

Anyway...today saw the last day of my medical testing. I also got my passport yesterday in the post with my visa in it. It's a very nice little page that says i can stay till next March. But *meh* i'll probly extend it when i am out there!

So Javed and I were watching Star Wars: Return Of the Jedi in our medical testing. (Interstingly it was gonna be called Revenge of the Jedi, but, George Lucas didnt thinkt hat Jedis would seek revenge, cause they are nice and all that...unlike the Sith)...and some parts of Star Wars really remind me of Christianity.

Darth Vader started out as Anakin Skywalker. A young boy with big dreams. He also had a lot of power. Which corrupted him and he turned to the dark side. (well, actually - the reason he turned to the dark side was so he could learn how to raise people form the dead after having visions were he saw his wife, Padme, die. So it really isn't as bad as people think) But...even through all his bad deeds, and not knowing that he has kids and all, he still comes through at the end and destroys the Emperor. However, this would never have happened if he wasn't redeemed by Luke. Vader was redeemed by 'the son'. Which to me seems like a Jesus metaphor. or Simile. Whichever is which.

Anyway...the point is, even if we do loads of bad deeds, living our life bad etc, when it come to when it really matters (which is a different stage adn age for everybody) there is a choice to make. We can let ourselves be redeemed by the son, Jesus, and live our lives better and in purity, or we can go down a road that leads to hell. But even if at anytime on this hell road we truly want to turn back, we can! Which is awesome! How amazing is our God that he will forgive us if only we ask!

I love Star Wars!

So, it is Fionas birthday today. I really should have gotten her something, but i have no money especailly with this whole America thing. So i will be back in the states on monday...which is exciting to me!..hehe! I will be going througha time of immense change...which is scary but exciting..and now that i'm going i wish i was staying! But its just nerves! i know I'd rather be in DTS. Well....I best go..maybe this will be my last Irish blog. Goodbye Ireland. I miss you.

The Tony Wars: Trilogy One

So this morning as I boarded the number 77 bus, i started pondering how this day would go. Whether i would get a visa. Whether i should blog, and if so what about. So i have three topics for you lovely readers.

Tony Wars Epsiode One - The Visa Hope

So Darth America banished me to Belfast to apply for a visa under the watchful eye of Princess Visa Consulate. With much lightsabering force and having to wait in line....i finally used my powers to rtick the woman into giving me a visa! So...I got my visa, destroyed the death star and can coe back to L.A anytime i want! Although, thanks to Erin Skywalker Trine who initailly provided me with the visa money way back ages ago on a Mission Adventure very far away...

Tony Wars Epsiode Two - Attack Of The Past

Today i was listening to a song by Plumb, called God Shaped Whole. Its in the movie Bruce Almighty, so you have probably already heard it. But it just really blasted me back to past and the time i first heard it. It was sometime in May 2005, I was living in a house in Kilcooley Estate, Bangor, with my firends Gareth adn Ruth. They so kindly let me lodge there, cause my mum and dad threw me out after being a bad boy! So i was living there. (i wasnt really bad by the way) Glenn Woodward came round one night to watch that movie with me, it was nice. Ihad made pasta and cheese and had a good wee time. But it just reminded me of a lot of fun moments i've had with Glenn and the Bangor Crew.

May 2005 -

Move in with Gareth and Ruth. Learn to do washing clothes! Made real friends. Niaomi, Rob, Julie Gould, Mark Adair, Ruth, PC, Dianne, Pete...and alot more but i forget. Steve Gilk made me a bacon sandwhich on the way to school. (in his car while we were driving..he presented it to me when i got in his car) Done my A Levels. Got a Passport. Spoke in tongues. Read some amazing books. Hung out with Woodward and Gareth alot.

November 2005 - April 2005

Lived with Glenn Woodward for a while, enjoying many crazy antics such as him gargling salt water and him coughing it and nearly dying. Going to a conference with Jav an Fee and making videos about Glenn. Fiona announcing her pregnancy! Glenn making me go to bibley things...which i loved alot. Writing stuff in the snow with Mark Adair (we used our fingers...and wrote our web addresses!haha!) Going to Portstewart with Phil, Hammy, Ian, Marty, Joel, Lynne, Rob.That was so much fun, especially when Phil and me cracke dup when Ian tried to say we didnt do anything. So then Phil and I offered to do everything as a joke, saying 'oh we havnt done much we can do it'..it was a great time. There was a great dayi hung out with Niaomi and Laura ran the marathon and we hung out, had lunch in Pizza Hut (it was disgusting) then Phil took the cheese out of the pizza and made a gross cheese stick with it. Which got thrown at me.

BAD APRIL

however...this was the famous bad april, when the dark side of the force was strong. I listened to lies i thought were real from the tramp Satan, and i ended up trying to kill myself. I was just in the pits of despair. Even days after i totally wished it had have worked. Eugh, i cant even look at Anadin Extra anymore..there were really bad days, then i was living with Chris Dunn for a while. And Susanne was around alot. And im glad. Cause i got to know her and be her friend and i dearly love her. even though i dont get to see her much anymore. I love you Chris and Suz...marry each other. Anyway...cause of those guys, i got to spend more time with Tim - haha, what a flipping awesome guy. I am indeed in love with him too! And Jolene - my other half...i adore her, i hope to see to see her before i go again! Somewhere Over the Rainbow...Eva Cassidy is on now...it makes me think of heaven! I can't wait to go there!

Tony Wars Episode Three - Revenge of the Book

So ages ago someone commented, I think it might have Megan Burmester. (although I remember Fiona saying this years ago!) That my life has been full of crazy things, that it should be a book! So I've decided...maybe it should. My new project is a book. It's just gonna be about me and my life and where i've been adn where I've been rescued from...its a great story of course...so I'm looking for your imput too...and i'll put it in the book...something you like about me, or something you've learnt from me, or just something funny about me that you know...go for it! Message me!

This is me, Chris and Susanne in Belfast City Hospital the day i overdosed. Hence me looking aweful...

Adagio to Javed and Fiona

Well...the last few days have seen some psychotic movements in my life. Like 'psycho airfares' which keep going up and up and up and up....
But thank you to the people who have said they would like to support me in my journey to know god and to make him known. (YWAM ALERT)

Anyway...I've got my visa interview tomorrow..for some reason im actually really nervous and a bit scared in ase they say no! Haha! I know they aren't though, which is kind of nice when God tells you a plan and your waiting on 'other' peoples answers knowing they are gonna complky anyway. Crap..i hope i havnt jinxed myself. But i do have a back up plan. Which is maybe abad thing, cause its showing a lack of belief. Okay..Backup plan BE GONE!

Last Saturday i spent the day at Fionas house with her sister and her sisters boyfriend. (Steven and Karen). It was a great day..we just hung out and had some food then Steve abandoned us to return to the mother country. (When i say 'Mother' i mean its cause he comes from England, who think they own everything..') So on Sunday i went to church, and hung out with James and Jess. WHo i hadnt sen in forever. This was a big summer for them too, they went to Uganda with Abaana (check out their site www.abaana.org) and had a really amazing time..and i feel a big change in their lives. I also hung out with Jeff, who just got back from his DTS a few months ago, just as i left for L.A i think...so he had an amazing summer of planning what was next and getting things sorted out. Then we hung out with good old Glenn Woodward..i.e Erin Gisi, but in a guys body...he was in Thailand this summer with YWAM seeing his girlfriend and working with the Ywamers. Then we went to church and Joanna came!

It was great to see her, she came with her sister Lindsey too. Lindsey really reminds me of my firend Anna..But Joanna and I and some other people had a great time. We went to play mini golf, and Joanna was just messing with the scores, and i think it annoyed Pete. But it was really funny! Lindsey wasn't diggin the whole golf thing though...she was well annoyed...s we got a McDonalds and drove home!

Then yesterday i hung out with Karen, Fiona, Javed and David (and the wee baby Love too)...we went into town..primarily looking ofr something for Fionas birtthday, but i dont think Karen found anything, or maybe she did. Anyway it doesnt matter cause she left to go back to England anyway. So we went to Roast and i had a great sandwhich. Paid for by David (thank you David) they all know im a borke missionary so sometimes they dont mind buying me things.) I'm really gonna miss Javed and Fiona whenever i go back to L.A. (I think i'm sad cause im listening to Adagio for Strings....okay not sad anymore im listnening to Prokofiev, Montagu's and Capulets.) Anyway...I will miss Javed alot. I just really appreciate him as my firend and what hes doing. Hes really stepped up the 'dad' role and is doing a fantastic job. I dont think ive ever seen someone so suited to it as him! And Fiona...well what can i say..of course i love Fiona...and it will be hard to leave knwoing that she has free time and i could maybe stay til January and make some money for Winter DTS and hang out with Fiona and the Baby. I really should stop calling her the baby...i mean Charlotte. Well...i must dash..not cause I'm going anywhere, but this blog is wearing thin on my brain and i smell paint and its giving me a sore head.

Just for my lover Karisse!

These are some more pictures of that night...ah...I enjoy being sober now i look back on it.