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Hey everybody!

Since arriving back in the states, my mind has somewhat been a blur. I feel like I've had a lot of time, but on the other hand, I feel totally engrossed in the little things that are taking up my day. Small things, little chores and helping out seems to take a lot of time, and I find myself with only 2 weeks until Kyrgyzstan, and I am not sure I am prepared at all. I don't really know how to be prepared. I've been staying with a great family close to the base, and have been able to spend time at the base and come and go as I please...its really nice to see all my friends, and even have some serving oppertunities.

I have been going through a variety of different things as God continues to whittle me down. My heart just wants to be good, to be salt and light, and of course in order to do that, I need to have no compromise. I know that I have been. Not bad things, but even just in my thoughts and mainly in my reactions to things. My initial reaction to bad news is not one of prayer, but usually stress, or frustration, or anger. I never seem to quite hit the mark on how God would have me respond.

However, with that said, my heart is really in a place of just desperation. Of needing so much more than i have, of wanting to know my God more intimatly that ever, and really to grow and develop. God has done something huge in my life and given me guys to pray with. You all know how easily I get on with girls, but God has just saw my needs as his son, and gave me some fantastic brothers to be with.

I have never before had people stand by me in this way, and just have me covered. This is God showing me how mcuh he cares for me. It is insane, but fantastic. I'm sorry for my lack of fancy updates, that comes with the territory of selling my computer for missions. Wow, I can't believe it's only 2 weeks away! I have so much to pray through, things God is healing me of in my heart, a mind transformation, I'm learning to be okay, I just want more, more, more.

I recently had someone speak a great prophetic word over me, and I feel like from that moment, Satan has just been doing whatever he can to steal that from me. Well, I am not gonna let him have it, it's my birthright,my inheritance, and I am claiming it! Please just continue to pray for strength with me, as for every truth I am being hit with 10 lies. Someone asked me, well, how do you deal with that?

My simple little niave answer was 'I cling to the truth.' It made me question myself. HOW do i cling to the truth? I need to be in prayer, in the word, and serving. I need to be the man of God that he has called me, I need to arm myself with the belt of truth, sword of truth etc. I need to continually be reading that, I need to continually have Jesus in me. Theres nothing Tony can do. Satan is more powerful than me, but hes not more powerful than the God that lives inside me.

Last night I looked into my eyes, and I seemed void. ALmost lifeless. It was pretty upsetting. Where did my fire go? Where did my jesus go? I got upset and realised, that I had replaced him with other things. He never left me, I forced him out. Today I have been inviting him back in. I literally got on my face to the floor, and just prayed for him to come. I then had some great fellowship with my brother Carl, we made this horribly fantastic lunch with Angel Delight dessert...and watched an episode of Buffy. For those of you who know me from before I was a Christian, you'll know how important Buffy used to be to me! haha! It was so nice to watch and episode with someone! I always used to watch it with my sister Amanda, alot. Probably almost every night.

I miss my sisters. I miss my parents. I miss my friends. I miss Fiona and Javed, Noreen and Jaclyn, all my church friends, Gillian, Carly, the old drama crew. All my YWAM-ers who've left, Dihanna, Leah, Eivind, Eliza, Molly, Kyah, Than and Christy, Susie Palmer, Katrina and Tim (WHo just got married!)...so many people. There's lots of people I know I'll see again when I get back in Spring for School Of Worship, Karisse, all my friends on base.

i'm just in this season of being stripped of all comfort, and of course its not nice, but I think very necessary. God is working in me because he has plans, he has a word, he has a birthright for me to walk in. I can't wait.

On a super amaing note, I almost have all my Kyrgyzstan money! I can't wait to get out there, to serve, to help, to be obedient to whatever God has got in mind for me. My heart is just to pursue him right now. no-one else. Just him. I have a few logistical things I need to account for, such as accomodation, and money for food and stuff. In all I probably need around $500+. But I am trusting in the Lord, he's already provided so much right? if you've got a heart to help send missionaries out into the field and can contribute financially, let me know! And thanks SO MUCH to the people who've already gave! God rewards faithfulness with faithfulness, and you have contributed to the kingdom!

So If you are one of the people who pledged money but havent sent it yet, the time is coming and would be really cool if you could do that! You can just mail it to me here at the base, or you can do a paypal thing. But i can cash checks so do what you need to do! You can write me at 11 Osborne St, Lake View Terrace, CA, 91342 USA.

Well, I'll also be in touch in the next few days as there are some more amazing things in the pipeline that i yet have to pray about and get direction, so I dont just wanna throw all my options out and have bad integrity..i need to pray Thanks so much friends and family for helping in whatever you have...I love you all!

Please get back to me and let me know how YOU are doing. I am not just saying that cause this is a big mass email, it goes to the people I love and WANT to hear from. So please, write me back.

If you've received an email from me and don't want to continue recieving updates, please let me know and I can remove you from the list!

So much love and blessing.

Tony.