The Future!

I decided, while I waited on responses from the many, many (over 20) job application forms I submitted (none of which came with a successful interview) to go visit the YWAM base in Herrnhut Germany, where my friends Simon and Sarah where staffing DTS (the one I was going to staff earlier this year, remember?) as I had met them in Afghanistan and they really wanted to see me, and blessed me by paying for the ticket. I really didn't know what God had in store for me there. I thought just fun. 

The last year left me feeling a bit...empty. A bit...alone. Passionless, not really knowing what I was doing and why it seemed to be so worthless to those I was doing it with. In short, I was burnt out, and missing real community. My answer to that was to really use the next year to find myself again - my friend Carly even mentioned to me that she was worried, I was not happy anymore, and she just wanted to see the old me again. To have one of my best friends say this to me, was a slap in the face, a wake-up call. Had I been so overtaken with the spiritual hardness of Kyrgyzstan that I was even projecting my unhappiness to my friends? They noticed a visible difference and it worried them. Carly knew it was something so much more deeper than medical, and I thank God that he used her to help me realise this. So my answer had been what seemed right, not necessarily prayed about, but logistical and made sense in so many ways, go home, work, get back to normal before going back. I had discussed this with Chris Jones and Elim Missions, and it seemed plausible, the best option.

So, here I go off to Germany. I prayed God would use this time to teach me something, have it be something so much more just visiting friends. I was excited to see Simon and Sarah, and the DTS students that could have been, ha. It was 2 weeks into the DTS and Simon had been talking me up, so I arrived to a cool reputation, not one necessarily deserved, but nice all the same. When getting to the base (after a nice long train ride from Berlin and hanging out with my friend Sarah at a nice little Italian restaurant that was dirt cheap) there was something waiting for me. 

Healing.

God had healed my physical heart a few months ago, and now it was time for the spiritual heart. Hanging out with Simon and Sarah, talking to DTS students, seeing them interact, being part of lectures, playing in the worship band, being part of communal living, surrounded by people with a love for the lost, to use the arts as a voice, and committed to discipling a younger generation all had its effect on me. My friends always laugh and joke about how I can't stay home, how I'm not really meant to be there except to visit. The idea of a year was scary indeed. But it seemed the only way - until now. I spent the last few nights with students, hanging out, sharing testimony, getting to know people and most of all, seeing them excited to learn new forms of art (this is a photography DTS and they are all super artistic and hungry for more) so I began teaching dance, and the response has been amazing. People seem too easily impressed by my Cheryl Cole 'Fight For This Love' routine. Haha. I've gotten pretty close to a few students in the last week, and just how God is moving is incredible. 

I have seen such a change in my own heart as I've surrounded myself with like minded people, arts and spiritual wise. I am feeling refreshed, passionate about the arts again, about discipling, healed in the area of my heart being broken by bad relationships - in short, I feel like i've found the parts of me I thought would be so hard to regain. I almost feel like a new person. Staff ave been talking to me about projects they are involved in using arts that they would really like me to be a part of, such as teaching dance, drama, music etc, creating performances for outreaches etc. (one of them is in Budapest in March)...theres something going on in my heart, but I am not stupid enough to say YES! I am writing this because I am asking for your prayers. Working with YWAM here has many benefits, including the time, space and resources to advance in my gifting in the arts, discipleship for me as well as being able to disciple others, surrounded by a community of believers with one common goal, to know god and to make god known (in many ways, the calling of the church)...rather than an environment i may face in ireland, which right now looks like unemployment ( i dont qualify for benefits until 6 months at home), trying to find some sort of church-ish type community, and the other pressures that come with it. Here is another thing, after living as a missionary, I feel like a transition back to the 'mundane' the ordinary so to speak, is hard - i feel God has ruined me, if I am not being effective for his kingdom, then what am I doing? Those are some of my thoughts. I look at things like, which is gonna be more fruitful and advance the kingdom.

I need you to pray for me. I am staying here until Feb 23rd to get to know some people, make contacts, build relationships and pray for direction. By then I should have an answer about this budapest outreach as well as where I am going from here. YWAM have been super nice in inviting me to staff and making it clear there is a place for my gifting on their staff, and the cool benefit being that it's only a 2 hour cheap flight from home. So if in any case medical issues came up, that would be no problem. There is also no pesky visa fees, or anything like that to worry about. I am trying to reach this decision regardless of finances, God has always provided and always will. I just want a clear from him answer. I can answer from me what i want, but that is not what is important. His will is better than mine. This is for sure a pleasant and welcome development....but like i said, could you please pray for me? It means I would still be support based and relying on God, but with it being in the EU, i could also work. Okay I'm gonna stop giving you all my reasons FOR this and be impartial and ask your prayers for guidance and wisdom.

Please email me back with any insight you have, 

lots of love