St James Church, an Irishmans' view on new type of church.

I have been lucky enough to finally find a place I belong.

That place is St James Church in Colorado Springs. I moved here a few months ago to pursue my future, to continue this adventure and for some much needed rest. I was lucky in that time to encounter the beginning and birth of this church. If you could call it that. Church to me has only ever been a place were person after person sang their hearts out and slept through the sermon. Excited for the 'big' worship, but not the Word. Church for me was never about putting others before yourself, it was about putting on your best mask and seeing how could appear more righteous. 

My mask came off on the 6th June this year, at the launch of Ted Haggard's new church. No doubt you know this mans' name from the media, famous for some scandal or something or other. Many say because of that, he is no longer qualified to preach or to lead people. Many say he is in denial, and others just say things they don't understand. Others dwell on the fact they think Ted is a hypocrite because they read somewhere he campaigned against gay rights, yet engaged in activity. Is that really the issue? Hypocrisy? The disease the human race cannot escape. We just like to judge because it makes us feel better. Did it make you feel a bit better to think you have never sinned as BAD as Pastor Ted did? I wouldn't doubt you had the thought. Yet the simple fact remains, Ted sinned. Ted confessed. Ted repented. 'As far as the east is from the west, so far have I separated your sin from you.' Yet, God's word doesn't seem to apply here does it - not for many people.

Here is what I understand - if I am a drug addict, I am most likely to be reached by someone who has experience with drugs. The same with alcohol. We can say we don't do this, but we do, we only ever take seriously people who we believe can offer us something through their experience. If I have never smoked and go to a smoker and say, 'Stop smoking, it's bad for you', do you think they will listen to me, or to a smoker of 20 years who says 'Hey, I've been there, it's not easy, but I can help you.' If I could describe a lot of the churches I have been in, all except the one in which I was saved, Taughmonagh, I could liken it to a soundproof room of mirrors, the sound bounces off the walls and all we see is ourselves...and God is sitting up there waiting for our praise, when we are more concerned with having the 'cool' worship, rather that the 'worth' worship.

Ted Haggard has been preaching a message of love. He is not a man that has forgotten his indiscretions, in fact he has drawn on his experience many times over the past 4 services, illustrating the mistakes that led him to sin, and the results. Ted Haggard is not a man seeking fame or power (to all you cynics who think you know better - can you really call Ted, clad in jeans and a t-shirt standing at the front of his old, and somewhat tilted barn - power hungry?) but seeking restoration to the body, which he should have received a LONG time ago - there is a Biblical command to do so. 

But no, our Ted Haggard story isn't over until we have ripped a man and his family to shreds. Gayle Haggard, how could she stay? I ask 'How could she not?' As a woman of God, a woman I have gotten to know and admire (and I don't admire people easily!) - she has demonstrated Gods' perfect grace and forgiveness - how DARE she? (that's sarcasm) This is a woman that I have seen stand by her husband and love on him in this transition back to helping people. This is a woman who shows the love of Christ in a practical way that has changed my view on forgiveness and grace.

Ted, do I trust you as the pastor of my new church to help me?

 YES. Do you want to know why?

Ted has never been backwards about coming forwards when admitting he is sinner - do I want a humbled, fallen man, who clearly hears the voice of God - who is demonstrating Gods' INCLUSIVE love to tell me how to live my life? Well, it is not HIM doing it - it is GOD. But do I trust him? Yes. Why's that you might ask? Because any man who God can pull from the miry clay and set upon a rock deserves a second chance. And not just a second, but a 3rd and a 4th, just as God does with us.

 Ted teaches from the scriptures, draws from his experience, has been strengthen by God and his family through grace, faith, humility, forgiveness. That is a man that I am willing to trust.

Over the course of the last four weeks, there have been eruptions of laughter, clapping and happiness abound in the Big Red Barn on Old Ranch Road, because God has shown up, God has blessed a man who he called to Colorado Springs all those years ago. God WILL finish the work he starts in his children and the Haggards are no exception. The church focuses on ONE, helping ONE person at a time.

I am no doubt humbled continually as I spend time around the Haggards, I am not only humbled, but lucky. Never before have I been able to come as I am and be loved. God is showing me a lot of things. There are things I have done in the last few months, or things you might know about me that would make you think, 'Oh, Tony isn't a christian anymore.'  The fact remains, I am. I just happen to be walking through my journey authentically - yet the majority of people left me in this period. To hard to deal with, not my fault, not my place to counsel, to controversial to get involved. And while those thoughts ran through peoples heads I sat alone wondering, where was God in all of this?  I've found him now, with the help of St James and the Haggards.

I am doing better than I have before, and I have never been as happy in my whole life.

To keep up with St James, follow us on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/saintjameschurch), or check out www.tedhaggard.com or come along this Sunday, there could be cotton candy, or snow cones you never know!

check this out! Awesome book!

More and More unto the Perfect Day

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Listen up, it's just not happening, you can say what you want to your boyfriends..

It has been a little while since I last communicated with you. Since that time, I left Germany for medical reasons! Argh! It was exciting getting back to ministry so soon after I had left, but essentially my zeal was outmatched by my health! I won't go into details other than I am getting treatment and things are moving forward and things are better than not. I've been throwing myself into creativity more as I found myself with less things to do. I have been taking and editing pictures, doing hair, directing shoots etc and it has been alot of fun! I put all my pictures onto flickr and another site in Belfast is giving me some promotion. I have a few shoots lined up over the coming weeks which is exciting as everything is getting off the ground, and it is a fun way to keep busy and entertained! I will be taking the next year away from ministry to really focus on my health and REST REST REST. You guys know me, it won't be easy to just rest, so I am planning on doing some light travelling in the states to see some friends. (L.A anyone??) :) I am looking forward to the down time - finally...almost 5 years later. Better late than never and at least I'm not dead. www.flickr.com/irishtony www.secretbelfast.co.uk (go to the Belfast people section, I'm in there!) Love as always! Tony.

Art Of Love

It's that time again when I've been listening to a song on repeat, when it gets stuck in my head, and then I force you to read about what it is saying to me. This time the song is 'Art Of Love' by Guy Sebastian and Jordin Sparks. The songs talks about the 'art of love' - the main idea being, 'I'm still learning the art of love, still trying but I mess up.' I think it is perfect. Isn't that how we are all doing? Does anyone really know how to love?

And if we are learning, who is our teacher? Or who do we ALLOW to teach us? 

'Im saying sorry in advance, cause this won't always go to plan. though we don't mean to take our love for granted, it's in our nature to forget what matters.' 

I've been learning more about being ok with realising that people WILL let you down. People are people and they are not perfect. I have to remember that everyone else out there is learning the art of love too.

check the song and video here 

Art Of Love - Jordin Sparks, Guy Sebastian

YOUR HELP NEEDED!

Now that I am working with Pick A Pocket (www.pickapocket.net), and going on tour to expose extreme poverty and educate on our projects in Ethiopia, we figured it would be smart for me to go to Ethiopia and see the projects and experience the poverty for myself, to give the words I will speak about it more weight.

Right now we are hoping to leave around March 9th and I could do with your prayers!

The trip is going to be about $1000, and I know the Lord is going to provide. I will be there about 3 or 4 weeks and am excited to meet one of the men we support there, Solomon, who is paralyzed from the waist down, and lived in a box (but just recently got a bed!). We raise money for him to help cover medical costs and basic things. It would also be awesome if we could bring him a wheelchair. We also will go to the T-Shirt house in Addis (they make these great t-shirts that we sell and raise money for them) - we want to go check out the projects, look after Solomon and come away from the trip pumped and excited about what God is doing there! 

So, if there is anything you can do, it is PRAY! or you can click this little nifty link and contribute to costs of the trip! (cost includes accommodation, food and flight!)

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=YXMRWYQGCHCAN

So much love, in his name,

Tony.

There's so many ways to deny what is real

Are you one of those people that wants to make a difference but doesn't know how?


It is now the 3rd day of Lent.


It's turning out to be much more of a challenge than I thought it would be. I think because I raved so much about how I loved fasting, God is kinda giving me a smackdown. Yesterday I was prayed into Pick A Pocket and YWAM Herrnhut. This place has such a rich history, such a vibrant story of God's work. I am blessed to be a part of that now.


Being part of Pick A Pocket is a dream come true, and an answer to prayer. I am blessed and thrilled to be welcomed into such a creative and crazy community that just wants to see God glorified. That's pretty cool eh?


One of our projects is the 30 Days Book. It is a collection of the best of the best here, drawings, photos, fantastic writing - at it is all about the projects that Pick A Pocket run. Here is just one small story :


MINGI - the curse. In the Karo tribe in Ethiopia, if you become pregnant out of wedlock, or don't announce to the elders you want a child before you get pregnant, or if the child's teeth come out first from the top gums - the child is considered to be Mingi. This is a curse upon the land, and the child will be throw into the river and eaten by crocodiles. If it is an older child, then it will be starved and tied to a tree, left for animals to eat. Pick A Pocket is working there to save the lives of children and work within the tribe so that they can be reconciled in the future. This book has stories of children that were saved and now live - more than stories - it's like the heart of this whole thing is smooshed into paper form. It's gonna be worth checking out.  Last year 7% of the population were considered MINGI, over 77 children killed. It is known that nearby tribes practice the same traditions, which puts almost 3000 at risk. So I'll ask again - 


Are you one of those people that wants to make a difference but doesn't know how?


Here is one small way that you can - by supporting our kickstarter and contributing to getting this book out. If everyone gave a fiver, or a few dollars, saved yourself from buying a coffee, help save a life. check it out. Please post this to your facebook status, or profile, we are starting a campaign to see this happen! And we need your help!

All I ever learnt from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.

May our life reflect the glory of your name.
  How would you even do that?


Build your church, birth in us, a compassion for the lost.
  What does that look like?


These are questions that I'm not sure can really be answered in one simple way. How God worked for one person is completely different to how he works in another person. So is there a different answer for each person? Or is there just simply not really a comprehensive answer?


One thing I am learning - the more I spend time with people here, in community, loving one another, allowing myself to be vulnerable, having people encourage the calling of God on my life - I find myself living what I would call the 'real' church. Church how it was meant to be - a group of believers with a passion for the lost and a passion to disciple one another.  


Here with Pick A Pocket we are aiming to obliterate EXTREME POVERTY. We are a group of BIG dreamers. We won't settle for making a little impact on the impoverished world, we want to see it DESTROYED. We as the rest of the world have the tools to do this, so why aren't we loving our neighbour better?


Pick A Pocket is going on tour around Germany and the United States. We are planning to hit some cities and hang out with some great people on the EAST COAST (Mid May to Mid June) - we have music, can lead a church  time, we also have things to exhibit and cool things for you to learn about us, who we are and the projects we serve. (www.pickapocket.net) Let us know if you are in East Coast area and would like us to come speak at your church, or if you know of any bands that would like to connect with us and play shows! (anthonywilliamwebster@gmail.com)


In June of this year I am planning on going back to the Wakhan Corridor with the base leader who would really like to meet the nomadic people that I visited last year. This would be such a cool thing to do, to follow up, maintain relationship and try and meet some more of the needs of the people there. I am hoping to visit a family at 'The End of the Road', a village named Sarhad in Afghanistan, a family we really connected with.


If you're curious or want more info, hit me up, I would love to tell you more.


Prayers are needed, help is needed in many forms. 


Get involved.

Pancake Lovers

Pancake Tuesday


The day after normal Monday when we eat Pancakes. How exciting eh? I guess the whole point is meant to be to eat your fill of the forbidden Lent foods such as butter, eggs, and flour.


So do any of you partake in Lent? And if so, what are you giving up? For many it's just become this religious idea that you give something up because its good for you. Maybe you'll give up sugar, or maybe you won't drink for 40 days (until Easter Sunday). Last year my friend Noreen had a really good idea to take on something for Lent, she wanted to put on weight - i thought this was one of the best ideas I'd seen. Lent has become this fashionable diet time for people with religious morals, but Noreen was being completely the opposite and tried to put on weight, because she saw the benefit to her. 


I would encourage any of you doing Lent to do it for the right reason and not just for a detox, or some sort of quick weight loss thing. Lent is a time of repentance, of remembering what Jesus went through in the desert, the temptation he faced before entering Jerusalem and being led to his death. 


Today I was drowning my sorrows in pancake batter, as yesterday I came so close to being at the Brit Awards, thanks to a great friend of mine. But at the last minutes flights were tripling, and the two friends coming with me could just not afford to do it on our own heads. I did however get an awesome outfit out of it! Liz, Uli and I made pancakes (well I made them and they ate them) and we hung out and listened to our favourite Brit nominee, Cheryl Cole. Haha. We then proceeded to just slum hanging out together and using our computers like a big depressed computer store. 


Tonight we are gonna dress up and watch the Brit Awards online. I'm not even sure if I want to, I just want to see the performances really. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the day when we wear ashes on our forehead to show our repentance in the beginning of Lent. I am not gonna have ashes that are blessed by a priest, so many will think that my ashes don't count. But they will - it is also a good reminder that our of the ashes we came, and into the ashes we will go.


For Lent I had many ideas: to not speak for 40days, or to not spend any money, or keep my eyes closed for 40 days. I am not sure, i would like to do something that would benefit someone else. Upon my return to Herrnhut I will be doing something with Pick A Pocket called '30 Days' were, for 30 days I will not buy any food, but rely on others in an attempt to begin to understand extreme poverty in this area.


So, what are you giving up for Lent and why?

The next Big Step

Spending time in Germany has been just the most refreshing thing. There has been something oddly exciting about being here from the moment I arrived right up until this point. Something just happened. I clicked. 

 I have been fasting and praying about spending some time here - and God has been speaking great things. The last year I went through a lot of things, some good, some bad, mostly new, a little stressful, good relationships, growing relationships, it has all been a bit hectic. I feel like I have been incredibly lucky to have had God strip me of all that in this season, and now it's just me looking for God's hand of guidance.

I have been spending time here getting to know people, and being extremely flattered by the amount of people that ask me to stay. It is just such a welcoming environment. I've made some really good friends so far, began new and exciting, healthy relationships. I feel like this place has been the open arms I've been looking for. 

At the base here in Herrnhut, Germany - they have a huge focus on creative arts, and discipleship. Both things I am entirely passionate about. There is a ministry here called Pick-A-Pocket (www.pickapocket.net) that use the arts, discipleship as a tool to reach the lost, and with the main goal of ending extreme poverty. They have great values and goals, and I was instantly attracted to this. Combining all the things I love, to minister to others, seems pretty perfect. It is also a new avenue to work The Exodus Project into (TExPro goal of setting people free from their bondage using the arts) and feeds directly into the mission statement God gave me to inspire and encourage people use the arts to see freedom. So I don't give up anything that God has asked, it's just taking an exciting turn!

After having fasted and prayed, and had the 4 leaders of this ministry pray about my involvement, I am delighted to announce that I am going to be staying here in Germany for the foreseeable future and be working with Pick A Pocket with YWAM Herrnhut. There are an amazing group of people here that I have been spending time with, so it is a huge blessing to feel instantly part of a community. There seems to be something...settling about this place. One of the words the leaders got when praying for me was that they felt that everything else I've done, (creative arts in the world, as well as experience in the field) was a stepping stone leading to this place. There's such a huge peace I have about this decision. It has been one that has been prayed through and lots of thought went into. 

I was going to stay in ireland and work for one year, but then this open door appeared to visit my friends in Germany, which led to another open door, and another and I felt God nudging me through them. He has painted this new season in my life in a way I never expected. I never expected to be back on a YWAM base, or in Europe, but there is something amazing about what God is doing. I am praying through what my role will be in Pick-A-Pocket right now, but there is something EXCITING HAPPENING! So praise GOD! I get to stay involved in missions, be a bit closer to home than normal and work with young people, teach dance, drama, music, be involved in a community, disciple, reach the lost on outreaches - what a blast! One of the things the base leader has talked to me about is going back to where we went in Afghanistan, and going up to the Kyrgyz people, which would be fantastic follow up on the work we did there, I will keep you guys updated on that!

In September we start the Marriage of The Arts DTS (which is a mega DTS combining all the art forms) and they are expecting 150 students. The outreaches will be geared towards the goals of Pick A Pocket - meaning that I will be staffing DTS this year also. Not what I expected. God is so good. 

So, I know what you're thinking - what? where? I spent the last year and a half in Kyrgyzstan, before that a stint in Ireland, and before that a few years in L.A - now I am in Germany. It seems like I get about a lot (only by the grace of God) but I wanted to thank you for all the support you've given me so far - I am looking forward to writing more of these ha, and updating you on what God is doing here in Germany and overseas! This is a 2 year commitment I am making to this base.

Living here is going to be less expensive than I would have thought! Each month rent will be about 150-250 dollars (about 100pound)  and food/transport/misc will be about another 150-250 dollars. I am going to living here in the town and will walk to the base each day through this amazing forest. It is really cool, I will send more pictures soon! As I am going to be living here for the next few years, I am asking your help once again in keeping me on the field. I have about 150dollars a month, and now just need the rest! Isn't God a great, loving and providing God? Would you pray about supporting me as I work here in Germany with students in the DTS and with Pick A Pocket? I am looking for people to take on small donations of $10, $20, $30 (5,10,15 pound) or more per month so that I could build a good support network under me for the next few years. Thank you for considering this, and I will be in touch with you soon to hear what you think! There are easy ways to do this, Paypal being the easiest, - you can simply click this link for a secure payment, or you can use your account also to set it up and send donations to support4tony@gmail.com. My initial set up costs is a flight to Germany on Ryanair, which is super cheap! (31 Euros, but I only have 9)

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=YXMRWYQGCHCAN thats for USD

and https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=DP82G4KHFZNPN for Pounds.

Thank you guys! You must get annoyed at the ammount I ask for your help, but God is faithful and has called me to live this life of support.

Please continue to pray for me as I endeavour to raise this monthly support. I have been so blessed and lucky over the last 4 years to see God use all of you in one way or another to support me, but now, as I settle down a bit more - it would be really nice to set up a monthly support base. 

I have been listening to a lot of Pink recently, her new album, fuelled by her divorce, is very well written and not as angry as I thought it would be, it's more sad than anything else, but with a glimmer of hope. Really good - check it out, it's called FUNHOUSE.

Cracks in my crystal ball

It has been a while since I sat and listened to a great song, and just cried. I've been needing that - for a long time. So, here I am at 4.44a.m, with tears in my eyes, music playing in my ears, and realising a really sad truth. I am not who I want to be. I think I've been a version of the person I've wanted to be, the person I present myself to be is not me. That's my Tony shaped shell, and I just want it to be filled so much with whatever my concept of something bigger is. Is that God?


I've been listening to Pink (Alicia Moore) a lot recently, and I just feel like the album she recently wrote has a lot of great songs that seem to relate to me. She wrote this album after breaking up with her husband and it is full of great material. Material that is drawing on pain, anger, loss, love - it's the divorce talking. I feel like I relate because in the last year I allowed myself to go through a divorce - a divorce from myself.


                   I am really lost. Has my faith been taught to me? Or is it really mine?


I lost all of who I am in stress, worry, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, bad relationships, sickness, alcohol, yet painted on a face and continued in ministry, worked hard, and harder and it was never enough I wasn't full, i wasn't  happy, not like I had been. I recently thought that a year away from the ministry I was working with would help to clear all that up, but instead I was surprised to see that God has been dealing with me in less than a month. When I came here to Germany I wanted to put a good face on for my friends I was coming to see. I couldn't do that with Simon, and to an extent with my new friend Liz, with whom I just clicked. I couldn't help but be honest about my shortcomings and my desire for more. How my heart actually really hurts for the lost. How I could never see a life with a job as something that appeals to me because I know my heart has been burdened for the lost. You can throw whatever excuse you want at it, but there was no way that after really evaluating what God is speaking to me that I could return home and work when God has given me a vision to fight for those without a voice, and to use the arts to do it. To inspire, to set people free in Jesus name. There are a few different things God has been speaking.


I, for one, cannot justify going home if it's not what God is calling me to do, and I need to stop making apologies and trying to justify to people why. I am accountable to no-one but God when it comes to the big stuff, and the people I've tried to let in, whether they see that or not, can't seem to get behind me. Thank you for those of you who do. I also need to be developing my own skills and talents and working on my dance, drama, and music in an environment that I will flourish and grow. Kyrgyzstan was not that for me anymore, and I can admit as much as anyone that things were not perfect there, but I tried my absolute best, I loved on the students, I saw their lives change and I can only wish the remaining people there luck and success. There are now a lot more people working in the Greenhouse, so it's no doubt in good hands.


I also, from these few songs will share openly with you a few things. Pink sings, 'No, I don't believe you, when you say don't come around here no more.' I feel like this is what my flesh has been trying to communicate to God, I feel like I've been telling him not to come around here anymore, and that is his response. 'No, I don't believe you.' Thank you Lord for believing in me....more than anyone else.


'Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all. Just to end up right back here on the floor.' This is how you can easily feel after chance, after chance, and then mistake and mistake. I've learnt with God, if you really want, he'll always give you another chance. Tonight I have been on the floor after a long, rough day. Another thing she says, and puts so amazingly, 'I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes. Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned but I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.' No explanation needed other than I have no regrets. I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned. I was watching something the other day and heard this amazing quote about pain. 'You can't outrun pain. It is something that needs to be faced head on, it's the only way through it. Trying to run away from it won't work. I'm gonna allow myself to cry when i need to, to be angry to feel the pain, it's the only way through it. Experience the highs, the lows, get salt water into your wounds. If only to remind yourself that even though things may be bad, you're still here, you're still alive.' 


I'm gonna run into the ocean with my open wounds and get salt water into them - if only to remind myself that I am alive.


Alive and in the company of good people. Irish, Satori, Simon, Sarah, Keith, Jolisa, Katie Suderman (Mindy 2) - to name but a few of the awesome people I now get to hang out with. Not to mention all the Pick A Pocket people.


























These are some girls I've been teaching dance to.

Spechken zee duetch?

Hello guys!

I'm in Germany until Feb 23...as of now! Having such a good time, inspired, refreshed, passionate about young people and missions - a nice change from the last year had for me. Loving it.

God is speaking and doing good things. Had a great weekend, taught lots of good dancing, playing piano for worship tomorrow, had a donor kebab, some sprite, Simon came back, but I did loose my camera in all the craziness (pray it shows up!) but I did get a potential new supporter which is always nice and appreciated.

Germany is on the verge of becoming my new home, doors are opening, things are happening and God is just..wow...is all I can really say. I've spent some good time praying and figuring things out, Ireland and work seemed the option that was needed to recuperate for the year, but I came here and found myself refreshed, re-energised, passionate, in the company of a community that serves the community a church should be giving, its amazing. I am so encouraged and excited excited excited that a year of rest and recuperation doesnt mean a year away from missions YES! I get to keep doing what I love, teach dance, drama, music and be in great relationship with people! How much fun!

I love Germany!

T.

The Future!

I decided, while I waited on responses from the many, many (over 20) job application forms I submitted (none of which came with a successful interview) to go visit the YWAM base in Herrnhut Germany, where my friends Simon and Sarah where staffing DTS (the one I was going to staff earlier this year, remember?) as I had met them in Afghanistan and they really wanted to see me, and blessed me by paying for the ticket. I really didn't know what God had in store for me there. I thought just fun. 

The last year left me feeling a bit...empty. A bit...alone. Passionless, not really knowing what I was doing and why it seemed to be so worthless to those I was doing it with. In short, I was burnt out, and missing real community. My answer to that was to really use the next year to find myself again - my friend Carly even mentioned to me that she was worried, I was not happy anymore, and she just wanted to see the old me again. To have one of my best friends say this to me, was a slap in the face, a wake-up call. Had I been so overtaken with the spiritual hardness of Kyrgyzstan that I was even projecting my unhappiness to my friends? They noticed a visible difference and it worried them. Carly knew it was something so much more deeper than medical, and I thank God that he used her to help me realise this. So my answer had been what seemed right, not necessarily prayed about, but logistical and made sense in so many ways, go home, work, get back to normal before going back. I had discussed this with Chris Jones and Elim Missions, and it seemed plausible, the best option.

So, here I go off to Germany. I prayed God would use this time to teach me something, have it be something so much more just visiting friends. I was excited to see Simon and Sarah, and the DTS students that could have been, ha. It was 2 weeks into the DTS and Simon had been talking me up, so I arrived to a cool reputation, not one necessarily deserved, but nice all the same. When getting to the base (after a nice long train ride from Berlin and hanging out with my friend Sarah at a nice little Italian restaurant that was dirt cheap) there was something waiting for me. 

Healing.

God had healed my physical heart a few months ago, and now it was time for the spiritual heart. Hanging out with Simon and Sarah, talking to DTS students, seeing them interact, being part of lectures, playing in the worship band, being part of communal living, surrounded by people with a love for the lost, to use the arts as a voice, and committed to discipling a younger generation all had its effect on me. My friends always laugh and joke about how I can't stay home, how I'm not really meant to be there except to visit. The idea of a year was scary indeed. But it seemed the only way - until now. I spent the last few nights with students, hanging out, sharing testimony, getting to know people and most of all, seeing them excited to learn new forms of art (this is a photography DTS and they are all super artistic and hungry for more) so I began teaching dance, and the response has been amazing. People seem too easily impressed by my Cheryl Cole 'Fight For This Love' routine. Haha. I've gotten pretty close to a few students in the last week, and just how God is moving is incredible. 

I have seen such a change in my own heart as I've surrounded myself with like minded people, arts and spiritual wise. I am feeling refreshed, passionate about the arts again, about discipling, healed in the area of my heart being broken by bad relationships - in short, I feel like i've found the parts of me I thought would be so hard to regain. I almost feel like a new person. Staff ave been talking to me about projects they are involved in using arts that they would really like me to be a part of, such as teaching dance, drama, music etc, creating performances for outreaches etc. (one of them is in Budapest in March)...theres something going on in my heart, but I am not stupid enough to say YES! I am writing this because I am asking for your prayers. Working with YWAM here has many benefits, including the time, space and resources to advance in my gifting in the arts, discipleship for me as well as being able to disciple others, surrounded by a community of believers with one common goal, to know god and to make god known (in many ways, the calling of the church)...rather than an environment i may face in ireland, which right now looks like unemployment ( i dont qualify for benefits until 6 months at home), trying to find some sort of church-ish type community, and the other pressures that come with it. Here is another thing, after living as a missionary, I feel like a transition back to the 'mundane' the ordinary so to speak, is hard - i feel God has ruined me, if I am not being effective for his kingdom, then what am I doing? Those are some of my thoughts. I look at things like, which is gonna be more fruitful and advance the kingdom.

I need you to pray for me. I am staying here until Feb 23rd to get to know some people, make contacts, build relationships and pray for direction. By then I should have an answer about this budapest outreach as well as where I am going from here. YWAM have been super nice in inviting me to staff and making it clear there is a place for my gifting on their staff, and the cool benefit being that it's only a 2 hour cheap flight from home. So if in any case medical issues came up, that would be no problem. There is also no pesky visa fees, or anything like that to worry about. I am trying to reach this decision regardless of finances, God has always provided and always will. I just want a clear from him answer. I can answer from me what i want, but that is not what is important. His will is better than mine. This is for sure a pleasant and welcome development....but like i said, could you please pray for me? It means I would still be support based and relying on God, but with it being in the EU, i could also work. Okay I'm gonna stop giving you all my reasons FOR this and be impartial and ask your prayers for guidance and wisdom.

Please email me back with any insight you have, 

lots of love