Where am I?

St James Church, an Irishmans' view on new type of church.

2010-06-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

I have been lucky enough to finally find a place I belong.

That place is St James Church in Colorado Springs. I moved here a few months ago to pursue my future, to continue this adventure and for some much needed rest. I was lucky in that time to encounter the beginning and birth of this church. If you could call it that. Church to me has only ever been a place were person after person sang their hearts out and slept through the sermon. Excited for the 'big' worship, but not the Word. Church for me was never about putting others before yourself, it was about putting on your best mask and seeing how could appear more righteous.

My mask came off on the 6th June this year, at the launch of Ted Haggard's new church. No doubt you know this mans' name from the media, famous for some scandal or something or other. Many say because of that, he is no longer qualified to preach or to lead people. Many say he is in denial, and others just say things they don't understand. Others dwell on the fact they think Ted is a hypocrite because they read somewhere he campaigned against gay rights, yet engaged in activity. Is that really the issue? Hypocrisy? The disease the human race cannot escape. We just like to judge because it makes us feel better. Did it make you feel a bit better to think you have never sinned as BAD as Pastor Ted did? I wouldn't doubt you had the thought. Yet the simple fact remains, Ted sinned. Ted confessed. Ted repented. 'As far as the east is from the west, so far have I separated your sin from you.' Yet, God's word doesn't seem to apply here does it - not for many people.

Here is what I understand - if I am a drug addict, I am most likely to be reached by someone who has experience with drugs. The same with alcohol. We can say we don't do this, but we do, we only ever take seriously people who we believe can offer us something through their experience. If I have never smoked and go to a smoker and say, 'Stop smoking, it's bad for you', do you think they will listen to me, or to a smoker of 20 years who says 'Hey, I've been there, it's not easy, but I can help you.' If I could describe a lot of the churches I have been in, all except the one in which I was saved, Taughmonagh, I could liken it to a soundproof room of mirrors, the sound bounces off the walls and all we see is ourselves...and God is sitting up there waiting for our praise, when we are more concerned with having the 'cool' worship, rather that the 'worth' worship.

Ted Haggard has been preaching a message of love. He is not a man that has forgotten his indiscretions, in fact he has drawn on his experience many times over the past 4 services, illustrating the mistakes that led him to sin, and the results. Ted Haggard is not a man seeking fame or power (to all you cynics who think you know better - can you really call Ted, clad in jeans and a t-shirt standing at the front of his old, and somewhat tilted barn - power hungry?) but seeking restoration to the body, which he should have received a LONG time ago - there is a Biblical command to do so.

But no, our Ted Haggard story isn't over until we have ripped a man and his family to shreds. Gayle Haggard, how could she stay? I ask 'How could she not?' As a woman of God, a woman I have gotten to know and admire (and I don't admire people easily!) - she has demonstrated Gods' perfect grace and forgiveness - how DARE she? (that's sarcasm) This is a woman that I have seen stand by her husband and love on him in this transition back to helping people. This is a woman who shows the love of Christ in a practical way that has changed my view on forgiveness and grace.

Ted, do I trust you as the pastor of my new church to help me?

YES. Do you want to know why?

Ted has never been backwards about coming forwards when admitting he is sinner - do I want a humbled, fallen man, who clearly hears the voice of God - who is demonstrating Gods' INCLUSIVE love to tell me how to live my life? Well, it is not HIM doing it - it is GOD. But do I trust him? Yes. Why's that you might ask? Because any man who God can pull from the miry clay and set upon a rock deserves a second chance. And not just a second, but a 3rd and a 4th, just as God does with us.

Ted teaches from the scriptures, draws from his experience, has been strengthen by God and his family through grace, faith, humility, forgiveness. That is a man that I am willing to trust.

Over the course of the last four weeks, there have been eruptions of laughter, clapping and happiness abound in the Big Red Barn on Old Ranch Road, because God has shown up, God has blessed a man who he called to Colorado Springs all those years ago. God WILL finish the work he starts in his children and the Haggards are no exception. The church focuses on ONE, helping ONE person at a time.

I am no doubt humbled continually as I spend time around the Haggards, I am not only humbled, but lucky. Never before have I been able to come as I am and be loved. God is showing me a lot of things. There are things I have done in the last few months, or things you might know about me that would make you think, 'Oh, Tony isn't a christian anymore.' The fact remains, I am. I just happen to be walking through my journey authentically - yet the majority of people left me in this period. To hard to deal with, not my fault, not my place to counsel, to controversial to get involved. And while those thoughts ran through peoples heads I sat alone wondering, where was God in all of this? I've found him now, with the help of St James and the Haggards.

I am doing better than I have before, and I have never been as happy in my whole life.

To keep up with St James, follow us on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/saintjameschurch), or check out www.tedhaggard.com or come along this Sunday, there could be cotton candy, or snow cones you never know!

check this out! Awesome book!

2010-06-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

More and More unto the Perfect Day

Promote your Page too

Listen up, it's just not happening, you can say what you want to your boyfriends..

2010-04-15T17:19:00.001-07:00

It has been a little while since I last communicated with you. Since that time, I left Germany for medical reasons! Argh! It was exciting getting back to ministry so soon after I had left, but essentially my zeal was outmatched by my health! I won't go into details other than I am getting treatment and things are moving forward and things are better than not. I've been throwing myself into creativity more as I found myself with less things to do. I have been taking and editing pictures, doing hair, directing shoots etc and it has been alot of fun! I put all my pictures onto flickr and another site in Belfast is giving me some promotion. I have a few shoots lined up over the coming weeks which is exciting as everything is getting off the ground, and it is a fun way to keep busy and entertained! I will be taking the next year away from ministry to really focus on my health and REST REST REST. You guys know me, it won't be easy to just rest, so I am planning on doing some light travelling in the states to see some friends. (L.A anyone??) :) I am looking forward to the down time - finally...almost 5 years later. Better late than never and at least I'm not dead. www.flickr.com/irishtony www.secretbelfast.co.uk (go to the Belfast people section, I'm in there!) Love as always! Tony.

Art Of Love

2010-02-28T12:19:00.000-08:00

It's that time again when I've been listening to a song on repeat, when it gets stuck in my head, and then I force you to read about what it is saying to me. This time the song is 'Art Of Love' by Guy Sebastian and Jordin Sparks. The songs talks about the 'art of love' - the main idea being, 'I'm still learning the art of love, still trying but I mess up.' I think it is perfect. Isn't that how we are all doing? Does anyone really know how to love?

And if we are learning, who is our teacher? Or who do we ALLOW to teach us?

'Im saying sorry in advance, cause this won't always go to plan. though we don't mean to take our love for granted, it's in our nature to forget what matters.'

I've been learning more about being ok with realising that people WILL let you down. People are people and they are not perfect. I have to remember that everyone else out there is learning the art of love too.

check the song and video here

Art Of Love - Jordin Sparks, Guy Sebastian

YOUR HELP NEEDED!

2010-02-26T15:03:00.000-08:00

Now that I am working with Pick A Pocket (www.pickapocket.net), and going on tour to expose extreme poverty and educate on our projects in Ethiopia, we figured it would be smart for me to go to Ethiopia and see the projects and experience the poverty for myself, to give the words I will speak about it more weight.

Right now we are hoping to leave around March 9th and I could do with your prayers!

The trip is going to be about $1000, and I know the Lord is going to provide. I will be there about 3 or 4 weeks and am excited to meet one of the men we support there, Solomon, who is paralyzed from the waist down, and lived in a box (but just recently got a bed!). We raise money for him to help cover medical costs and basic things. It would also be awesome if we could bring him a wheelchair. We also will go to the T-Shirt house in Addis (they make these great t-shirts that we sell and raise money for them) - we want to go check out the projects, look after Solomon and come away from the trip pumped and excited about what God is doing there!

So, if there is anything you can do, it is PRAY! or you can click this little nifty link and contribute to costs of the trip! (cost includes accommodation, food and flight!)

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=YXMRWYQGCHCAN

So much love, in his name,

Tony.

There's so many ways to deny what is real

2010-02-18T23:39:00.000-08:00

Are you one of those people that wants to make a difference but doesn't know how?

It is now the 3rd day of Lent.

It's turning out to be much more of a challenge than I thought it would be. I think because I raved so much about how I loved fasting, God is kinda giving me a smackdown. Yesterday I was prayed into Pick A Pocket and YWAM Herrnhut. This place has such a rich history, such a vibrant story of God's work. I am blessed to be a part of that now.

Being part of Pick A Pocket is a dream come true, and an answer to prayer. I am blessed and thrilled to be welcomed into such a creative and crazy community that just wants to see God glorified. That's pretty cool eh?

One of our projects is the 30 Days Book. It is a collection of the best of the best here, drawings, photos, fantastic writing - at it is all about the projects that Pick A Pocket run. Here is just one small story :

MINGI - the curse. In the Karo tribe in Ethiopia, if you become pregnant out of wedlock, or don't announce to the elders you want a child before you get pregnant, or if the child's teeth come out first from the top gums - the child is considered to be Mingi. This is a curse upon the land, and the child will be throw into the river and eaten by crocodiles. If it is an older child, then it will be starved and tied to a tree, left for animals to eat. Pick A Pocket is working there to save the lives of children and work within the tribe so that they can be reconciled in the future. This book has stories of children that were saved and now live - more than stories - it's like the heart of this whole thing is smooshed into paper form. It's gonna be worth checking out. Last year 7% of the population were considered MINGI, over 77 children killed. It is known that nearby tribes practice the same traditions, which puts almost 3000 at risk. So I'll ask again -

Are you one of those people that wants to make a difference but doesn't know how?

Here is one small way that you can - by supporting our kickstarter and contributing to getting this book out. If everyone gave a fiver, or a few dollars, saved yourself from buying a coffee, help save a life. check it out. Please post this to your facebook status, or profile, we are starting a campaign to see this happen! And we need your help!

All I ever learnt from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.

2010-02-17T03:44:00.000-08:00

May our life reflect the glory of your name.
How would you even do that?

Build your church, birth in us, a compassion for the lost.
What does that look like?

These are questions that I'm not sure can really be answered in one simple way. How God worked for one person is completely different to how he works in another person. So is there a different answer for each person? Or is there just simply not really a comprehensive answer?

One thing I am learning - the more I spend time with people here, in community, loving one another, allowing myself to be vulnerable, having people encourage the calling of God on my life - I find myself living what I would call the 'real' church. Church how it was meant to be - a group of believers with a passion for the lost and a passion to disciple one another.

Here with Pick A Pocket we are aiming to obliterate EXTREME POVERTY. We are a group of BIG dreamers. We won't settle for making a little impact on the impoverished world, we want to see it DESTROYED. We as the rest of the world have the tools to do this, so why aren't we loving our neighbour better?

Pick A Pocket is going on tour around Germany and the United States. We are planning to hit some cities and hang out with some great people on the EAST COAST (Mid May to Mid June) - we have music, can lead a church time, we also have things to exhibit and cool things for you to learn about us, who we are and the projects we serve. (www.pickapocket.net) Let us know if you are in East Coast area and would like us to come speak at your church, or if you know of any bands that would like to connect with us and play shows! (anthonywilliamwebster@gmail.com)

In June of this year I am planning on going back to the Wakhan Corridor with the base leader who would really like to meet the nomadic people that I visited last year. This would be such a cool thing to do, to follow up, maintain relationship and try and meet some more of the needs of the people there. I am hoping to visit a family at 'The End of the Road', a village named Sarhad in Afghanistan, a family we really connected with.

If you're curious or want more info, hit me up, I would love to tell you more.

Prayers are needed, help is needed in many forms.

Get involved.

Pancake Lovers

2010-02-16T08:24:00.000-08:00

Pancake Tuesday

The day after normal Monday when we eat Pancakes. How exciting eh? I guess the whole point is meant to be to eat your fill of the forbidden Lent foods such as butter, eggs, and flour.

So do any of you partake in Lent? And if so, what are you giving up? For many it's just become this religious idea that you give something up because its good for you. Maybe you'll give up sugar, or maybe you won't drink for 40 days (until Easter Sunday). Last year my friend Noreen had a really good idea to take on something for Lent, she wanted to put on weight - i thought this was one of the best ideas I'd seen. Lent has become this fashionable diet time for people with religious morals, but Noreen was being completely the opposite and tried to put on weight, because she saw the benefit to her.

I would encourage any of you doing Lent to do it for the right reason and not just for a detox, or some sort of quick weight loss thing. Lent is a time of repentance, of remembering what Jesus went through in the desert, the temptation he faced before entering Jerusalem and being led to his death.

Today I was drowning my sorrows in pancake batter, as yesterday I came so close to being at the Brit Awards, thanks to a great friend of mine. But at the last minutes flights were tripling, and the two friends coming with me could just not afford to do it on our own heads. I did however get an awesome outfit out of it! Liz, Uli and I made pancakes (well I made them and they ate them) and we hung out and listened to our favourite Brit nominee, Cheryl Cole. Haha. We then proceeded to just slum hanging out together and using our computers like a big depressed computer store.

Tonight we are gonna dress up and watch the Brit Awards online. I'm not even sure if I want to, I just want to see the performances really. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the day when we wear ashes on our forehead to show our repentance in the beginning of Lent. I am not gonna have ashes that are blessed by a priest, so many will think that my ashes don't count. But they will - it is also a good reminder that our of the ashes we came, and into the ashes we will go.

For Lent I had many ideas: to not speak for 40days, or to not spend any money, or keep my eyes closed for 40 days. I am not sure, i would like to do something that would benefit someone else. Upon my return to Herrnhut I will be doing something with Pick A Pocket called '30 Days' were, for 30 days I will not buy any food, but rely on others in an attempt to begin to understand extreme poverty in this area.

So, what are you giving up for Lent and why?

The next Big Step

2010-02-14T03:19:00.001-08:00

Spending time in Germany has been just the most refreshing thing. There has been something oddly exciting about being here from the moment I arrived right up until this point. Something just happened. I clicked.

I have been fasting and praying about spending some time here - and God has been speaking great things. The last year I went through a lot of things, some good, some bad, mostly new, a little stressful, good relationships, growing relationships, it has all been a bit hectic. I feel like I have been incredibly lucky to have had God strip me of all that in this season, and now it's just me looking for God's hand of guidance.

I have been spending time here getting to know people, and being extremely flattered by the amount of people that ask me to stay. It is just such a welcoming environment. I've made some really good friends so far, began new and exciting, healthy relationships. I feel like this place has been the open arms I've been looking for.

At the base here in Herrnhut, Germany - they have a huge focus on creative arts, and discipleship. Both things I am entirely passionate about. There is a ministry here called Pick-A-Pocket (www.pickapocket.net) that use the arts, discipleship as a tool to reach the lost, and with the main goal of ending extreme poverty. They have great values and goals, and I was instantly attracted to this. Combining all the things I love, to minister to others, seems pretty perfect. It is also a new avenue to work The Exodus Project into (TExPro goal of setting people free from their bondage using the arts) and feeds directly into the mission statement God gave me to inspire and encourage people use the arts to see freedom. So I don't give up anything that God has asked, it's just taking an exciting turn!

After having fasted and prayed, and had the 4 leaders of this ministry pray about my involvement, I am delighted to announce that I am going to be staying here in Germany for the foreseeable future and be working with Pick A Pocket with YWAM Herrnhut. There are an amazing group of people here that I have been spending time with, so it is a huge blessing to feel instantly part of a community. There seems to be something...settling about this place. One of the words the leaders got when praying for me was that they felt that everything else I've done, (creative arts in the world, as well as experience in the field) was a stepping stone leading to this place. There's such a huge peace I have about this decision. It has been one that has been prayed through and lots of thought went into.

I was going to stay in ireland and work for one year, but then this open door appeared to visit my friends in Germany, which led to another open door, and another and I felt God nudging me through them. He has painted this new season in my life in a way I never expected. I never expected to be back on a YWAM base, or in Europe, but there is something amazing about what God is doing. I am praying through what my role will be in Pick-A-Pocket right now, but there is something EXCITING HAPPENING! So praise GOD! I get to stay involved in missions, be a bit closer to home than normal and work with young people, teach dance, drama, music, be involved in a community, disciple, reach the lost on outreaches - what a blast! One of the things the base leader has talked to me about is going back to where we went in Afghanistan, and going up to the Kyrgyz people, which would be fantastic follow up on the work we did there, I will keep you guys updated on that!

In September we start the Marriage of The Arts DTS (which is a mega DTS combining all the art forms) and they are expecting 150 students. The outreaches will be geared towards the goals of Pick A Pocket - meaning that I will be staffing DTS this year also. Not what I expected. God is so good.

So, I know what you're thinking - what? where? I spent the last year and a half in Kyrgyzstan, before that a stint in Ireland, and before that a few years in L.A - now I am in Germany. It seems like I get about a lot (only by the grace of God) but I wanted to thank you for all the support you've given me so far - I am looking forward to writing more of these ha, and updating you on what God is doing here in Germany and overseas! This is a 2 year commitment I am making to this base.

Living here is going to be less expensive than I would have thought! Each month rent will be about 150-250 dollars (about 100pound) and food/transport/misc will be about another 150-250 dollars. I am going to living here in the town and will walk to the base each day through this amazing forest. It is really cool, I will send more pictures soon! As I am going to be living here for the next few years, I am asking your help once again in keeping me on the field. I have about 150dollars a month, and now just need the rest! Isn't God a great, loving and providing God? Would you pray about supporting me as I work here in Germany with students in the DTS and with Pick A Pocket? I am looking for people to take on small donations of $10, $20, $30 (5,10,15 pound) or more per month so that I could build a good support network under me for the next few years. Thank you for considering this, and I will be in touch with you soon to hear what you think! There are easy ways to do this, Paypal being the easiest, - you can simply click this link for a secure payment, or you can use your account also to set it up and send donations to support4tony@gmail.com. My initial set up costs is a flight to Germany on Ryanair, which is super cheap! (31 Euros, but I only have 9)

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=YXMRWYQGCHCAN thats for USD

and https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=DP82G4KHFZNPN for Pounds.

Thank you guys! You must get annoyed at the ammount I ask for your help, but God is faithful and has called me to live this life of support.

Please continue to pray for me as I endeavour to raise this monthly support. I have been so blessed and lucky over the last 4 years to see God use all of you in one way or another to support me, but now, as I settle down a bit more - it would be really nice to set up a monthly support base.

I have been listening to a lot of Pink recently, her new album, fuelled by her divorce, is very well written and not as angry as I thought it would be, it's more sad than anything else, but with a glimmer of hope. Really good - check it out, it's called FUNHOUSE.

Cracks in my crystal ball

2010-02-10T20:26:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I sat and listened to a great song, and just cried. I've been needing that - for a long time. So, here I am at 4.44a.m, with tears in my eyes, music playing in my ears, and realising a really sad truth. I am not who I want to be. I think I've been a version of the person I've wanted to be, the person I present myself to be is not me. That's my Tony shaped shell, and I just want it to be filled so much with whatever my concept of something bigger is. Is that God?

I've been listening to Pink (Alicia Moore) a lot recently, and I just feel like the album she recently wrote has a lot of great songs that seem to relate to me. She wrote this album after breaking up with her husband and it is full of great material. Material that is drawing on pain, anger, loss, love - it's the divorce talking. I feel like I relate because in the last year I allowed myself to go through a divorce - a divorce from myself.

I am really lost. Has my faith been taught to me? Or is it really mine?

I lost all of who I am in stress, worry, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, bad relationships, sickness, alcohol, yet painted on a face and continued in ministry, worked hard, and harder and it was never enough I wasn't full, i wasn't happy, not like I had been. I recently thought that a year away from the ministry I was working with would help to clear all that up, but instead I was surprised to see that God has been dealing with me in less than a month. When I came here to Germany I wanted to put a good face on for my friends I was coming to see. I couldn't do that with Simon, and to an extent with my new friend Liz, with whom I just clicked. I couldn't help but be honest about my shortcomings and my desire for more. How my heart actually really hurts for the lost. How I could never see a life with a job as something that appeals to me because I know my heart has been burdened for the lost. You can throw whatever excuse you want at it, but there was no way that after really evaluating what God is speaking to me that I could return home and work when God has given me a vision to fight for those without a voice, and to use the arts to do it. To inspire, to set people free in Jesus name. There are a few different things God has been speaking.

I, for one, cannot justify going home if it's not what God is calling me to do, and I need to stop making apologies and trying to justify to people why. I am accountable to no-one but God when it comes to the big stuff, and the people I've tried to let in, whether they see that or not, can't seem to get behind me. Thank you for those of you who do. I also need to be developing my own skills and talents and working on my dance, drama, and music in an environment that I will flourish and grow. Kyrgyzstan was not that for me anymore, and I can admit as much as anyone that things were not perfect there, but I tried my absolute best, I loved on the students, I saw their lives change and I can only wish the remaining people there luck and success. There are now a lot more people working in the Greenhouse, so it's no doubt in good hands.

I also, from these few songs will share openly with you a few things. Pink sings, 'No, I don't believe you, when you say don't come around here no more.' I feel like this is what my flesh has been trying to communicate to God, I feel like I've been telling him not to come around here anymore, and that is his response. 'No, I don't believe you.' Thank you Lord for believing in me....more than anyone else.

'Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all. Just to end up right back here on the floor.' This is how you can easily feel after chance, after chance, and then mistake and mistake. I've learnt with God, if you really want, he'll always give you another chance. Tonight I have been on the floor after a long, rough day. Another thing she says, and puts so amazingly, 'I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes. Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned but I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.' No explanation needed other than I have no regrets. I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned. I was watching something the other day and heard this amazing quote about pain. 'You can't outrun pain. It is something that needs to be faced head on, it's the only way through it. Trying to run away from it won't work. I'm gonna allow myself to cry when i need to, to be angry to feel the pain, it's the only way through it. Experience the highs, the lows, get salt water into your wounds. If only to remind yourself that even though things may be bad, you're still here, you're still alive.'

I'm gonna run into the ocean with my open wounds and get salt water into them - if only to remind myself that I am alive.

Alive and in the company of good people. Irish, Satori, Simon, Sarah, Keith, Jolisa, Katie Suderman (Mindy 2) - to name but a few of the awesome people I now get to hang out with. Not to mention all the Pick A Pocket people.

These are some girls I've been teaching dance to.

Spechken zee duetch?

2010-02-09T02:32:00.000-08:00

Hello guys!

I'm in Germany until Feb 23...as of now! Having such a good time, inspired, refreshed, passionate about young people and missions - a nice change from the last year had for me. Loving it.

God is speaking and doing good things. Had a great weekend, taught lots of good dancing, playing piano for worship tomorrow, had a donor kebab, some sprite, Simon came back, but I did loose my camera in all the craziness (pray it shows up!) but I did get a potential new supporter which is always nice and appreciated.

Germany is on the verge of becoming my new home, doors are opening, things are happening and God is just..wow...is all I can really say. I've spent some good time praying and figuring things out, Ireland and work seemed the option that was needed to recuperate for the year, but I came here and found myself refreshed, re-energised, passionate, in the company of a community that serves the community a church should be giving, its amazing. I am so encouraged and excited excited excited that a year of rest and recuperation doesnt mean a year away from missions YES! I get to keep doing what I love, teach dance, drama, music and be in great relationship with people! How much fun!

I love Germany!

T.

The Future!

2010-02-09T02:31:00.001-08:00

I decided, while I waited on responses from the many, many (over 20) job application forms I submitted (none of which came with a successful interview) to go visit the YWAM base in Herrnhut Germany, where my friends Simon and Sarah where staffing DTS (the one I was going to staff earlier this year, remember?) as I had met them in Afghanistan and they really wanted to see me, and blessed me by paying for the ticket. I really didn't know what God had in store for me there. I thought just fun.

The last year left me feeling a bit...empty. A bit...alone. Passionless, not really knowing what I was doing and why it seemed to be so worthless to those I was doing it with. In short, I was burnt out, and missing real community. My answer to that was to really use the next year to find myself again - my friend Carly even mentioned to me that she was worried, I was not happy anymore, and she just wanted to see the old me again. To have one of my best friends say this to me, was a slap in the face, a wake-up call. Had I been so overtaken with the spiritual hardness of Kyrgyzstan that I was even projecting my unhappiness to my friends? They noticed a visible difference and it worried them. Carly knew it was something so much more deeper than medical, and I thank God that he used her to help me realise this. So my answer had been what seemed right, not necessarily prayed about, but logistical and made sense in so many ways, go home, work, get back to normal before going back. I had discussed this with Chris Jones and Elim Missions, and it seemed plausible, the best option.

So, here I go off to Germany. I prayed God would use this time to teach me something, have it be something so much more just visiting friends. I was excited to see Simon and Sarah, and the DTS students that could have been, ha. It was 2 weeks into the DTS and Simon had been talking me up, so I arrived to a cool reputation, not one necessarily deserved, but nice all the same. When getting to the base (after a nice long train ride from Berlin and hanging out with my friend Sarah at a nice little Italian restaurant that was dirt cheap) there was something waiting for me.

Healing.

God had healed my physical heart a few months ago, and now it was time for the spiritual heart. Hanging out with Simon and Sarah, talking to DTS students, seeing them interact, being part of lectures, playing in the worship band, being part of communal living, surrounded by people with a love for the lost, to use the arts as a voice, and committed to discipling a younger generation all had its effect on me. My friends always laugh and joke about how I can't stay home, how I'm not really meant to be there except to visit. The idea of a year was scary indeed. But it seemed the only way - until now. I spent the last few nights with students, hanging out, sharing testimony, getting to know people and most of all, seeing them excited to learn new forms of art (this is a photography DTS and they are all super artistic and hungry for more) so I began teaching dance, and the response has been amazing. People seem too easily impressed by my Cheryl Cole 'Fight For This Love' routine. Haha. I've gotten pretty close to a few students in the last week, and just how God is moving is incredible.

I have seen such a change in my own heart as I've surrounded myself with like minded people, arts and spiritual wise. I am feeling refreshed, passionate about the arts again, about discipling, healed in the area of my heart being broken by bad relationships - in short, I feel like i've found the parts of me I thought would be so hard to regain. I almost feel like a new person. Staff ave been talking to me about projects they are involved in using arts that they would really like me to be a part of, such as teaching dance, drama, music etc, creating performances for outreaches etc. (one of them is in Budapest in March)...theres something going on in my heart, but I am not stupid enough to say YES! I am writing this because I am asking for your prayers. Working with YWAM here has many benefits, including the time, space and resources to advance in my gifting in the arts, discipleship for me as well as being able to disciple others, surrounded by a community of believers with one common goal, to know god and to make god known (in many ways, the calling of the church)...rather than an environment i may face in ireland, which right now looks like unemployment ( i dont qualify for benefits until 6 months at home), trying to find some sort of church-ish type community, and the other pressures that come with it. Here is another thing, after living as a missionary, I feel like a transition back to the 'mundane' the ordinary so to speak, is hard - i feel God has ruined me, if I am not being effective for his kingdom, then what am I doing? Those are some of my thoughts. I look at things like, which is gonna be more fruitful and advance the kingdom.

I need you to pray for me. I am staying here until Feb 23rd to get to know some people, make contacts, build relationships and pray for direction. By then I should have an answer about this budapest outreach as well as where I am going from here. YWAM have been super nice in inviting me to staff and making it clear there is a place for my gifting on their staff, and the cool benefit being that it's only a 2 hour cheap flight from home. So if in any case medical issues came up, that would be no problem. There is also no pesky visa fees, or anything like that to worry about. I am trying to reach this decision regardless of finances, God has always provided and always will. I just want a clear from him answer. I can answer from me what i want, but that is not what is important. His will is better than mine. This is for sure a pleasant and welcome development....but like i said, could you please pray for me? It means I would still be support based and relying on God, but with it being in the EU, i could also work. Okay I'm gonna stop giving you all my reasons FOR this and be impartial and ask your prayers for guidance and wisdom.

Please email me back with any insight you have,

lots of love

Charlotte Ivy love

2009-12-03T15:03:00.001-08:00

some new work I did as gift for a friend.

Chaigh Me Abaile (I went home)

2009-10-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

Well friends,

as most of you know I am back in Ireland. Northern Ireland to be precise. If you're into the whole, being accurate thing.
Well, I have been back for almost 2 weeks now, and it's been a pretty packed few weeks so far. I have been busy sorting things out with M.E people for treatment, or alternatives, and am seeing a natural kineisioligist for herbal treatments. I have had no chest pain at all recently, and after hearing that so many people were praying for me, I am hoping that God has healed that!

I have been praying about my return to Kyrgyzstan, and have my ticket already. I bought it as a return in my anticipation of healing. A step of faith.

Home is hard because I can't work, so therefore I am completly broke, especially after riasing so much money to get home in the first place. That is the hard aspect, i am looking at needing a budget of at least 100 pound a month in order to get back and forward etc. I am going to Exeter in November for a few down days with a good friend and to attempt to see the new Elim offices, of which i am now officially a missionary! Exciting, and fantastic to have their backing and love and care as they endeavor to work out treatment for me too.

I havent been sleeping still, and am continually exhausted, except at nights when I seem to get a wind of energy. Seeing my friends has been fun, and I seem to be able to draw some energy from them, as weird as that sounds. I haven't seen lots of my family, my mum and dad are both working, but i've enjoyed seeing my nephews and my sister Kelly. Although i won't see my other sister Amanda until I go to London.

My church are helping me go to London to go to a clinic and get a thorough check up, etc. It is very very nice and them and a real blessing to me.

As I am home I will also be speaking in two schools about creative arts, specifically drama, the work I do in kyrgyzstan, as well as working on the documentary i am making on Afghanistan. I will also be seeing family, friends, resting resting resting, which is hard for me because I get bored..but I am doing my best at learning to sit down..ha.

This week was my birthday and my friends were great, they took me out, bought me lunches, dinners, had a party for me, really looked after me and made me feel normal...which was lovely.

If you are interested in helping me while Im at home, whether it be through prayer, or an encouraging word, or even financially, please get in touch and let me know. Obviously I am not in a position to get a job (which would defeat the whole purpose of this trip!) but my budget looks like this

NO RENT, NO FOOD COSTS, only transport and misc which comes to 3.50 bus ticket x 5 (per week) 17.50 per week = 70 per month. Clothes, which are much needed after Kyrgyzstan wear and tear on my other ones..! Ive compiled a list of clothes I want to buy, 5 new tshirts, socks, underwear, trousers, light jacket (my intention is to replace my whole wardrobe which i havent done in about 5 years!) about 100.

Anyway if you can contribute one time, you can email and say, Tony, i'd like to buy you some pants, or some shoes, etc. please let me know and we can go from there. All my love,

Got muh nose peerst

2009-10-01T23:35:00.001-07:00

So i did it. at last.

So, I finally have some answers.

2009-09-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe you are wondering why you got an email from me, well, it's because I have to share some news. As most of you know the past few months has seen me take on a new leadership role (twice the work, half the time!), battle mouth problems cause by a viral infection in my gums, head to Afghanistan hiking for hundreds of miles, discover that I have a hole in my heart that is getting bigger and now something new.

Today I visited the doctor in an attempt to see if my heart was getting any better. We discovered something that has proved to be the root of most of the ailments and symptoms I've been showing over the past 5 months since my return to Kyrgyzstan.

On telling my doctor that this week I've been having some problems with clarity and my memory, as well as some emotional episodes, he asked me a few questions. Things I've been doing, activities, status of my mind and then told he thought he knew the cause, and AHA, it all now made sense to him.

He told me that I have Myalgic Encephalopathy, He told me he would be sure I had this if I had

1. Mental and physical exhaustion (unrelieved by rest) with at least four of the following symptoms - -muscle weakness, hyper sensitivity, orthostatic intolerance (sitting in one place, or upright), cognitive dysfunction, digestive disturbances, depression or emotional episodes, poor immune response, cardiac and respiratory problems, impaired memory or concentration, headaches, sore throat, insomnia or unrefreshing sleep.

out of the above list, ONLY 4 would classify me and diagnose me as CFS. I have displayed to my doctor, 10 of the above. TEN.

He then told me, there is no official cause or knowledge on this disease, as well as treatments. However, studies have shown that it can begin from 2 different things, after a viral infection (which I had in my gums) and I will quote 'symptoms will begin to show within a few months of severe adverse stress.' Which somes up this last year for me pretty perfectly. The Viral infection is what effects the brain, and encephalopathy means a brain disorder caused by multiple illnesses.

So what do I do now? Well, it's not all the deal to do with exhaustion, because of that I am experiencing 10 other problems in my body including a hole in the heart. But I am not getting rest, or even sleeping. It' s not that I'm staying up late, or getting up to early, it's that when I do go to bed I can't even sleep. My boss agreed with me that this Afghanistan trip was the real turning point in fully exhausting to me. I don't know where to go from here. I am in talks with my boss to get their advice. I dont want to leave kyrgyzstan, but i could do with a down period, and to really focus on my health for a few months. I don't know. YET.

There are soem treatment possibilities because of the psychological aspects of this disease. Cognitive behavioural therapy, Graded exercise therapy and Pacing. (which is like energy management.) The recovery rates I researched were as follows, 40% of people see an improvement, 5% of people fully recover, and thats 5% of 4 in every 1000 people who have this.

So, I have been reading the book of Daniel recently (you know the guy who gets thrown into the lions den) and I feel like I am relating in different ways. I have been thrown into the den, and Im not too sure what condition I will be in when the king comes to check on me. Will I be mauled and destroyed? Or will the King find me playing with the big cats in complete safety? Either way, without faith, I wont know which. Im hoping the latter. I will keep you all updated. I have a check up in one month to re-evaluate the situation, until then i have some medication for my muscle weakness, for my heart and for my arthritis.

The Lord is so much bigger than me. At least thats a comfort! xx

Fight for This Love

2009-09-08T11:56:00.001-07:00

Last night as I read through some harmless celebrity news on the internet (heatworld.com) I came across Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud fame and her new single Fight For This Love, which is released October 19th on Polydor Records. Initially my love for Girls Aloud made me a little reluctant. usually, their solo stuff is never that good, and I mean that about any ensemble, however Girls Aloud do have some talented singers who CAN sing live (as they proved when they were chosen on television, and subsequently in each concert where they sing live).

Upon hearing the song for the first time, my thought was, 'Hmm. I like it. It actually doesn't sound so LIVE, or that much like Cheryl, but it is catchy and a great wee tune.'

Then today as I put it on repeat (as I like to do with new songs so I can get to know them) I began listening to the words and learning much more than I imagined. As you most likely know, I love listening to music, all genres, but I do have a soft spot for mainstream pop. I just do! I also feel like it is one of the ways God speaks to me. I find wisdom in the secular. I feel like I have an ability to find the good in something, a natural optimist maybe? Who knows. I just see God where people just see, not-God.

The sacred in the secular. It's all sacred really.

You mightn't want to hear, but here are my thoughts on the lyrics to this song.

Too much of anything can make you sick

Even the good can be a curse

Makes it hard to know which road to go down

Knowing too much can get you hurt

Do you ever feel like it's all a little bit too much? The point where you are at a crossroads and you can't see the possible outcome of good in any given situation? Knowing too much CAN get you hurt, but isn't it better to feel something than to feel nothing? When can the good be a curse? Personally, it can SEEM like a curse, but its not. It's the thorn in your side. For me..my health, the hole in the heart, the mouth issues. Seems a bit much yeah?

Is it better is it worse are we sitting in reverse

Its just like we're going backwards (backwards)

I know where I want this to go

We're driving fast but lets go slow

What I dont want to do is crash no

If you aren't going forward with God, you're not staying still. There is no staying still, just forward or backward. Hmm, going too fast, getting in too deep without a solid foundation. That's what happened to me then it all became too much and I crashed. I tried to commit suicide. That was almost 4 years ago. I know now where I want this to go, and I am willing to go slow. That was a big turning point for me...that's when I realised, 'I gotta fight for this love.'

Just know you're not in this thing alone

There's always a place in me that you can call home

Whenever you feel like we're growing apart

Let´s just go backto the start

Those words are pure magic. Totally relatable to a relationship with God. I'm NOT in this thing alone, there IS a place I can call home. When I feel like falling apart...? I remember the simple things. Even those simple yet amazing words of childrens songs 'Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so.'

Anything that´s worth having

Is sure enough worth fighting for

Quit is out of the question

We make a stop gotta fight some more

We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love

Its worth having its worth fighting for

Fight for what you believe in yeah? Fight for what's important? Don't quit, thats what the enemy wants. Don't give up. Persevere. If it's worth having it's worth fighting for. See how many times she says fight? What a great emphasis, fight, fight, fight, fight. It's not a one time fight and then you're done. It's a constant thing.

Now everyday aint gon' be no picnic

Love aint no walk in the park

All you can do is make the best of it yeah

Can't be afraid of the dark

This is also true. It isn't easy. No walk in the park that's for sure. One thing I do know is that when you do make the best of it, it's worth fighting for. Sometimes it mightn't seem like it. But it is. You just got to ask yourself, is it worth fighting for? Fight for that love, because it's fighting for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1b1YGIedsk

Part of Your World!

2009-07-26T14:17:00.001-07:00

Well, as I wrap up my life for the next month here in Bishkek, as I travel through Tajikistan and then into Afghanistan, I've been tidying my room, packing my bags, getting things I need, and doing it all to music.

One song then came on that made me smile like a big girl.

Part Of Your World from The Little Mermaid. I was just listening to it and thinking of certain parts that really amaze me. Then I had to stick on the dvd and see these parts.

'I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad' - What wonderful childlike naivety. I sometimes think is it only Ariel's inexperience with our world that made her think this, or did she really just see the good in everything? Either way, it prompted my mind to go to Good mode. Let's try and see the good in things. She sings about how she wants more, that what she would give to have feet instead of fins. It reminds me sometimes of my own desire for more, where I am at not being good enough, I want more, more, more.

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? A big pile of junk, our everyday things that Ariel finds wonder in. Ha, it made me think - i don't appreciate what I have. Ariel even says, its not all this stuff that I want, its not gathering objects, but who cares, no big deal, i want more.

I wanna be where the people are, I wanna see, wanna see them dancing. How disappointed I imagine she would be if she came to our world now. People don't seem to have that sense of frivolous fun anymore. Dancing. I love dancing.

Ariel wants to be among people, to know what they know, to FEEL what they feel, if if that is about fire, and how it burns. Burn. The sheer experience of it is amazing to her. She is so fascinated by the things we see everyday, the things we think are negative. She has a sense of wonder at the world that I really want.

Starting tomorrow, I'm off to get it. :)

T.

2 months later...

2008-10-22T22:40:00.001-07:00

Today marks two full months here in Kyrgyzstan. There have been many ups, and very few downs. Which suits me just fine.

I absolutly love it here. I love the friends I've made, english speaking or not, I love playing Phase Ten and swapping cards with Natasha under the table, I love making ridiculous ammunts of tea for our very thirsty students, watching old episodes of Buffy to help people learn english, getting emails from friends, living with Jim and Melissa and a houseful of kids, I love beating Jim at Nyardi (which I do), I love whatever Melissa makes to eat, and Rachel (who feeds me well), I love the Greenhouse and the creativity it is inspiring and how people are changing, I love being sarcastic with Tiffany and having Pasha pretend to vbe mad because it's his wife, when really he wantrs to laugh cause its funny. I love that you put your dirty toilet paper in a basket next to the toilet, I love the odious ammounts of garlic in all the food, or all the really strong apple juice that I drink with the kids, or making cilbasa and cheese omlettes at midnight, I love not having electric for hours on end, I love that Melissa mightn't want to read this because it looks like a giant paragraph...I love that Jim calls me Toby to annoy me, or that the Hamburger stand exploded in the middle of the street and two days later there was a new one, I love riding marshutkas and accidentally getting off to early because i don't know where I am...or listening to my iPod in the internet cafe while typing something similar to this...

To sum up. I love it.

God is really teaching me a lot of valuable lessons. The value of friendship and having people walk through life with you. The way that God loves us, and how Gods' love is in us. Repentance over old stupid things that I have done. Taking risks and trusting people, being open and vunerable. MIssing family and friends ( I usually don't). Most importantly, I am learning that I like my life, I enjoy giving it to Gd and letting him control, it beats making my own mistakes thats for sure.

Be blessed and praying,
Till all have heard,
Tony.

September in KG

2008-09-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

We are now in our second week of the GH being open. There have been a lot of cool things happening, as far as just meeting with my leaders and team mates here, having fellowship, reading the bible together, and most importantly, doing the ministry I was called here to do.
I have been teaching drama at the GH as a way to help the students open up, relax, have fun and discover some of their talents. Our theme for this season is inspire. We are hoping to inspire people to find out who they are, who God made them to be, and I feel like this is happening to me also!
Drama club has been going well, we had our first lesson and a bunch of people showed up, and we just screamed, made noises and acted like animals to loosen things up.
Another club that I am a part of with Melissa and Pasha is a ‘Making the Band’ club. We are going to be putting together a band, writing a song, playing the instruments, making a music video and recording the song as well! It is something that has really been catching peoples’ attention! Melissa, Pasha and I taught our first week on Saturday and had so much fun! The students were really into it. We took modern songs and changed them into different styles, starting with happy birthday. We thought that Melissa, pasha and I should go first to show them its ok to be silly and have fun. Melissa did a punk rock version, Pasha did a rap, and I got stuck with a Marilyn Monroe version of happy birthday! We then did Umbrella by Rihanna, which we actually have on video, so maybe I can upload it and you can watch!

One word that Jim and Melissa shared with me was ‘pursue peace’, so that’s what I’ve been doing, and God has really been showing up. I have just had times of joy when I have no reason to be joyful, and moments of God showing up while I’m lying in bed listening to music. I am finding that God is really grabbing my attention here, and I feel at last, like I am home.
I will be the first person to admit that my Christian journey has been tumultuous, and I’m sure my friends would agree. I have hurt people, and been hurt, but I have been moving out in forgiveness, asking God to reveal things to me and I have been repenting for things I didn’t even know I had to repent for!
But it is all for the good, and God is doing a lot.
I am truly blessed by my leaders, Jim and Melissa, and developing a great relationship with them and their three kids. I live with them, so I see them everyday, and they are encouraging, loving, and very including and supportive of my ideas.
I wish I could be in touch more, but I only have dial up Internet, and not enough money to keep going to internet cafes!

There have been lots of students coming to the GH. The first few days were small, but nice enough that I could get a good idea of what would be going on. More and more have been coming though, and a group of Russian teenagers have been coming, sportsmen (wrestlers and swimmers) and one of them is going to be in the 2012 Olympics! God has really opened my heart for them, and already I begin to feel Gods’ prompting to be spending more time with them. The good thing is that they like me too, so it will be easier. The one barrier is that they don’t speak any English, and my Russian is not so fantastic, despite picking up the essentials.
My Russian lessons have been going well, I get taught by my friend Masha, and she has been helping me with grammar and the basics.
There are lots of opportunities here, and it seems like lots of ministries are recruiting, and I feel like everywhere I go people try to get me to do things, so I’ve been practicing saying no! I am here in this time for the GH, and to explore some other avenues too. I should be going out to villages with my friend Jenish in the near future when I get my schedule worked out, working with orphans and homeless too. While back in Belfast I shared my heart for orphanage ministry, which I haven’t had the opportunity to really explore yet, but that is because I am taking my commitment to the GH seriously and not flopping around between ministries. At first it was daunting, I wasn’t sure exactly what my involvement would be a I wanted to kind of ‘do my own thing.’ However, it has been fantastic working with Jim and Melissa, and the students in the GH who come to learn and hopefully learn more than what we teach on the surface. We are there to practice Gods’ love, to just love on them and show them that they matter.

Bishkek is a great city. They have this little vans that people take everywhere (public transport) called Marshutkas. They cost 8 som (the currency here) a ride, which is about 9p/18c! There are always lots of people around, and people selling different things on the street, from food, to old Soviet Union things. It is a dusty place, but there are nice parks here too! Most living accommodation is apartments, and families live together. I have been learning to get around, mostly by foot, so I’ve been doing a lot of walking, probably at least a few miles everyday, which is a nice little bit of exercise! But I am quickly putting holes in my shoes, haha! I am also in desperate need of getting some winter clothes – the heat has died off and its back to weather I am more familiar with! Rain, cold and wind! The other night I was out at my friends and the rain came on, and I was wearing flip flops, after walking home I was drenched due to stepping in many holes in the ground disguised under the puddles in the dark. We continue to loose our electricity for hours on end at different times in the week. So I have gotten used to life without electric and make the most of it when we do have it!

Overall, it has been a fantastic month and a bit. It is my birthday in a few weeks, and my rent is due soon as well, and I don’t have much money! Which is a typical story for me, but nice, because I get to depend on God!
Thanks so much for your support and prayer and I will be in touch with people individually as much as possible.
Please email me if you have any questions about what I am doing here, or just if you want to catch up and chat. I miss you all, and hopefully we’ll speak soon!

Your friend and brother,

Tony Webster.

Here it is folks!

2008-09-08T04:45:00.000-07:00

Hey there everyone!

Surely by now you've recieved some sort of news about me in Kyrgyzstan, if not you can read my last blog on www.tonywebster.blogspot.com and it will fill you in!

I am emailing to thank people so much for your continued support, and know that you all individually mean so much to me!

All the ways you've helped, prayer, finances etc. God has been so good!

Well, I am emailing to ask if anyone who supported me would like to do that on a monthly basis?
Now being out in the field full time, and not being able to work, I have to raise all my own money! Right now, my rent is about $100 a month (which is so good, I am renting a room from a family rather than having to find my own place, which saves me a few hundred dollars! and there are other little logistics like FOOD, TRANSPORT,COMMUNICATION etc) all in all, i think about 300-400dollars a month right now, and thats on the high end.

Could you pray and ask G* if supporting me monthly is something you'd like to do? Perhaps you've been thinking about giving to missions, or contributing to missions in your church or something, well here is a good chance!

The ministry I am working with is a student centre where we build relationships, teach clubs (music english art, media etc whatever our giftings are) and just nuruture the students identities and natural giftings in order to utilise them best for the kingdom. I will also be able to branch out in my time here, getting to orphanages, homeless shelters, rehab clinics, getting to see a lot.

Could you please get back to me and let me know how you can help, perhaps you've already given, so theres no pressure, just pray! You can give as little as you want! If everyone gave a few dollars/pounds/whatever your currency, that would be an amazing start eh?

Well get back to me and let me know! There are many ways you can give, cheque, transfer money online etc. It's easy peasy! Just let me know!

What do you see?

2008-09-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

It has now been over one week since I got to Kyrgyzstan.

My fingers ache at the joints from all the writing I've been doing. For those of you who do follow my adventures, you will be pleased to know there is a new book in the offing. I have got a nice new computer to write on, and I've got inspiration from this wonderful culture, so why not put it all to good use. I have already wrote my first 30 pages. This book is about a young man, growing and changing, adapting to new culture. Sounds like someone I know right?

Well, every day here brings something new. Just two days ago a local business erupted into flames before my eyes, the electric box popped and fizzled, and a families livlihood was destroyed before my very eyes. The flames grew higher and higher, licking the trees above with its bright red and orange tongue. Had they caught fire who knew how long it would have been until the entire corner turned shades of burnt orange. Thanks to the fast acting Kyrgyz fire men, in their dull red trucks, almost pink, the reds and oranges became a dark and dull cloud of smoke that rested in the air just above the business. Although today it had been replaced and it looks ready to open again. Not so much loss of the livlihood then. Who would have thought one business would have been so easy to replace.

Walking around Kyrgyzstan I notice several things. People stare at me. I would like to think it's because they see something in me, maybe Jesus, when really I know all they are seeing is the mohawk towering above my head (I trimmed it for the wedding) and the small silver balls that adorn my lower lip. Who is this foreigner? And why does he have holes in his face? Simple questions really. I am hoping that looking the way I do will open doors. God gimme this face for a reason right?

The other thing I notice is how no matter how hard I try, I am not satisfied with the ammount of God I experience. I am getting so hungry, so thirsty for more. I can't seem to keep my fingers from flipping through the bible, scrolling out my favourite verses, the words bubbling in my throat until I spill them out. My desire to share is spilling out. I got to share a little bit with a few people I ahve come across. A lady from the bank on the phone, a student in the streets, other 'workers' here that can't believe I am here.

I am surprised that people are surprised that I came here myself, that I wasn't made to, that I don't have much money, just faith and an expectation to see God do his work in this marvellous country.

It is Kyrgyzstan's time. Keep an eye out.

4 minutes...

2008-08-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!

Since arriving back in the states, my mind has somewhat been a blur. I feel like I've had a lot of time, but on the other hand, I feel totally engrossed in the little things that are taking up my day. Small things, little chores and helping out seems to take a lot of time, and I find myself with only 2 weeks until Kyrgyzstan, and I am not sure I am prepared at all. I don't really know how to be prepared. I've been staying with a great family close to the base, and have been able to spend time at the base and come and go as I please...its really nice to see all my friends, and even have some serving oppertunities.

I have been going through a variety of different things as God continues to whittle me down. My heart just wants to be good, to be salt and light, and of course in order to do that, I need to have no compromise. I know that I have been. Not bad things, but even just in my thoughts and mainly in my reactions to things. My initial reaction to bad news is not one of prayer, but usually stress, or frustration, or anger. I never seem to quite hit the mark on how God would have me respond.

However, with that said, my heart is really in a place of just desperation. Of needing so much more than i have, of wanting to know my God more intimatly that ever, and really to grow and develop. God has done something huge in my life and given me guys to pray with. You all know how easily I get on with girls, but God has just saw my needs as his son, and gave me some fantastic brothers to be with.

I have never before had people stand by me in this way, and just have me covered. This is God showing me how mcuh he cares for me. It is insane, but fantastic. I'm sorry for my lack of fancy updates, that comes with the territory of selling my computer for missions. Wow, I can't believe it's only 2 weeks away! I have so much to pray through, things God is healing me of in my heart, a mind transformation, I'm learning to be okay, I just want more, more, more.

I recently had someone speak a great prophetic word over me, and I feel like from that moment, Satan has just been doing whatever he can to steal that from me. Well, I am not gonna let him have it, it's my birthright,my inheritance, and I am claiming it! Please just continue to pray for strength with me, as for every truth I am being hit with 10 lies. Someone asked me, well, how do you deal with that?

My simple little niave answer was 'I cling to the truth.' It made me question myself. HOW do i cling to the truth? I need to be in prayer, in the word, and serving. I need to be the man of God that he has called me, I need to arm myself with the belt of truth, sword of truth etc. I need to continually be reading that, I need to continually have Jesus in me. Theres nothing Tony can do. Satan is more powerful than me, but hes not more powerful than the God that lives inside me.

Last night I looked into my eyes, and I seemed void. ALmost lifeless. It was pretty upsetting. Where did my fire go? Where did my jesus go? I got upset and realised, that I had replaced him with other things. He never left me, I forced him out. Today I have been inviting him back in. I literally got on my face to the floor, and just prayed for him to come. I then had some great fellowship with my brother Carl, we made this horribly fantastic lunch with Angel Delight dessert...and watched an episode of Buffy. For those of you who know me from before I was a Christian, you'll know how important Buffy used to be to me! haha! It was so nice to watch and episode with someone! I always used to watch it with my sister Amanda, alot. Probably almost every night.

I miss my sisters. I miss my parents. I miss my friends. I miss Fiona and Javed, Noreen and Jaclyn, all my church friends, Gillian, Carly, the old drama crew. All my YWAM-ers who've left, Dihanna, Leah, Eivind, Eliza, Molly, Kyah, Than and Christy, Susie Palmer, Katrina and Tim (WHo just got married!)...so many people. There's lots of people I know I'll see again when I get back in Spring for School Of Worship, Karisse, all my friends on base.

i'm just in this season of being stripped of all comfort, and of course its not nice, but I think very necessary. God is working in me because he has plans, he has a word, he has a birthright for me to walk in. I can't wait.

On a super amaing note, I almost have all my Kyrgyzstan money! I can't wait to get out there, to serve, to help, to be obedient to whatever God has got in mind for me. My heart is just to pursue him right now. no-one else. Just him. I have a few logistical things I need to account for, such as accomodation, and money for food and stuff. In all I probably need around $500+. But I am trusting in the Lord, he's already provided so much right? if you've got a heart to help send missionaries out into the field and can contribute financially, let me know! And thanks SO MUCH to the people who've already gave! God rewards faithfulness with faithfulness, and you have contributed to the kingdom!

So If you are one of the people who pledged money but havent sent it yet, the time is coming and would be really cool if you could do that! You can just mail it to me here at the base, or you can do a paypal thing. But i can cash checks so do what you need to do! You can write me at 11 Osborne St, Lake View Terrace, CA, 91342 USA.

Well, I'll also be in touch in the next few days as there are some more amazing things in the pipeline that i yet have to pray about and get direction, so I dont just wanna throw all my options out and have bad integrity..i need to pray Thanks so much friends and family for helping in whatever you have...I love you all!

Please get back to me and let me know how YOU are doing. I am not just saying that cause this is a big mass email, it goes to the people I love and WANT to hear from. So please, write me back.

If you've received an email from me and don't want to continue recieving updates, please let me know and I can remove you from the list!

So much love and blessing.

Tony.

An Irish Update..

2008-07-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Well since arriving back in Ireland 17 days ago, things have been rather crazily busy but rather crazily annointed also. While on the plane, I decided that in order to fully trust God about what he was doing as far as crazily raising money (notice the overuse of crazily) I realised that all my dependance needed to be on him, and him alone, so I thought...what's the best way to do that?

Fasting. (ohhhh yeah)

Now those of you who know me will know that I love a good fast! 14 days in Egypt,and 9 days in L.A with my friend Than, and a few days here and there in between. God had to help me raise about $2500 within the next few weeks to pay off my flight home and my mission trip to Kyrgyzstan.
So on arriving home and greeting my parents at the airport, I wasn't sure how I felt. In all honesty, I already didn't want to be there, but I know that God has clearly told me to come home,so I know there was something for me here. Whether I'd see it or not. My fast had begun and I explained to my parents...my mum's reaction was that of, 'Oh, well we bought loads of food for you coming home...you can't even eat a little bit?..Will God really care if you just eat a little bit?' It was funny. But ok, because I can't expect everyone to understand. I had medical lecture upon lecture. Electrolyte balances and what not. Crazy.

But I knew I was doing what God wanted me to, and I began to pray instead of eating. Heaven opened, and God began pouring things out into my life, word after word of knowledge and encouragement.

And I am gonna take you through some things he has done.

On the fun side though, I've reclaimed my post as Charlottes favourite babysitter! :) Yay! And I have hung out with my friends, watched good movies, listened to good music, shopped in the rain, walk around Belfast, taken lots of pictures, hung out with my nephews and sister, and got paid for preaching at a church! And still to come...the big Belfast bonfire night, the marches and parades, a good old fashioned knees up (my knees will be down, as I havnt been eating I can't risk drinking!) and seeing my little sister as she visits from England with her boyfriend and I meet him for the first time. I got to hang out with my 'chara gaelige' (irish friend) Noirin and Theo (the baby!)...and putting Charlotte and Theo together was rediculously cute.

So in fasting...(everyday I was praying for finances and the SOW/MA staff)

Day 1. God gave me visions and verses for Kyrgyzstan, and planted some fundraising ideas in my head.

Day 2. I recieved $400, God revealed things about who I am in him and spoke major words about Kyrgyzstan. God gave me the word to move forward on the SOW for the fall.

Day 3. The Spiritual Warfare began. God told me t pray my dry bones would stir. God reminded me to 'ask and i'll give the nations to you.' So I asked for Kyrgyzstan.

Day 4. My computer sold for $400. God told me that he'd already taken care of the finances! :)

Day 5. God began to teach me of what it meant for me to be his son. God spoke to me about knowing the truth of the plans he's spoken into my life.

Day 6. God gave me more verses for Kyrgyzstan. God gave me Psalm 4 for me. God broke my 'depression'of being home.

Day 7. Reminded the money is taken care of. More words for Kyrgyzstan. Broke my worrying spirit. God told me the sweetest thing, in the quietest way - 'I just want to spend time with you.' God told me to put him on the throne and to take me off!

Day 8. God gave me words for SOW/MA staff. God told me to pray for a big release of finances.

Day 9 and 10. Two people wrote me cheques. One was $250 and the other I've yet to receive. I got asked to preach (and get paid for it.) I prayed that God would expose my heart issues.
Prayed for wisdom, God gave me direction and lots of words for Kyrgyzstan.

Day 11 and 12. Preaching went phenomonal. My mum cried. Lots more money! God asked to pray for MORE.

Day 13 and 14. After praying I got some word of some monthly supporters.

Day 15. After the usual, God revealed to me the truth over some of my insecurities and set them right.

Day 16. After praying, I received more money, or pledges.

Day 17. Madness. I heard today I am almost ready to book my flight.

How great is our God?

Tony's future...

2008-06-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

Great and exciting news comes to those who wait!

Well, the last few days have seen amazing things happen. God just really speak about direction, encouragment spoken to me, dealing with inner things I've needed healing for, doing some fun creative work with the Mission Adventures crew out here in L.A and most importantly, just having a blast discovering who I am as a son of God.

Well, Tuesday 24th June, I will be back in Northern Ireland for 3 weeks to visit family and friends, as my sister is coming over from ENgland for a few days, so I definitly wanted to pursue a trip home.

There was a big part of me that was torn up. I wanted to stay in California to work with my church, but I wanted to go home to ireland...but there was not a part of me that was peaceful. About anything. I even asked God to give me dreams, and I had two in one night, one was at home, one was here in California.

Then last night after seeking God with a friend I was praying with, and after reaching a place of desperation for God to speak, he finally dropped something into my head. Both.

How could I do both?

Well, when I found out that my sister was going to be home, and our family could all be together for a few weeks, I knew straight away what to do. God also give me specifics on coming back to California for July-August. I don't know exactly where and what, I have my ideas, and people are praying but I felt so strongly that I was to be here for that part of the summer...and then after that is the exciting part.

Since being here on the YWAM base, I have really connected, in such a God way, with a guy called Tony, who has been a missionary in Kyrgyzstan for the last 5 years, and just recently finished School Of Worship here at the YWAM base. It was something so God annointed, and appointed, that when we prayed together, God just showed up, and did things, as we found ourselves in 5 hours long conversations until 3 in the morning most nights!

After hearing him share about Kyrgyzstan, and the culture and people, I had this little jump in my heart. He shared about disabled orphans (something God gave me a heart for while in Egypt) and one thin he constantly reminded me as I sought direction was 'remember where God has led you'...more specifically, what God has already spoken into my life. Which reminded me of DTS and one night I had this dream that I was in this village, walking through, on a mountain and there was a yak pulling a cart...

..after praying into this, and obviously having spoke to people (Pete and Kizzy at the time) I am excited to say that I will be going to Krygyzstan at the end of August on a 'scouting' type trip. I will get to do some practical work, serving Tony and the people there as Tony makes a transition to come back to the US, and getting to see the orphan ministry and just love on some kids...as well as really pray into the possibility of why God brought Tony and I together, ministry wise, as well as friendship wise.

Everything has just been so God appointed...and that's so exciting!

God also confirmed this in a time of seeking confirmation too. Tony has this clear picture and image for God, and I got a random bible verse, which was spot on, especially after praying that God would give me scriptural support.
All in all, its an exciting time, God is giving me back my heart for missions, a real passion and desire to serve where possible, and a passion to see my family.

But let me tell you it hasn't been an easy place to get to, and I am excited to see what God does as I enter the next few months of personal outreach.

Again, this is all something that is self funded and I just want to go do Gods work and help advance the kingdom!

The costs for things like these can sometimes be high, but God has really blessed me so far, and I know will continue to as I step out in obedience.

My flight to Ireland and back to California is part paid but i still need about $800 to cover the cost, and my trip to Kyrgyzstan is going to cost around $2500 to $3000 dollars.

Those are my needs and I believe in what God has spoken, and have absolute faith that God will provide. So I want to ask you directly if you would partner with me in my endeavours to follow where God has led, and know that when you can financially support, it is not just me, but the Kingdom you are investing into. I am excited to get to be God's hands and feet and only you can help make that possible!

The smallest donations can make the biggest difference, and even from $1 they all make a difference. I am excited to partner with you and I will call you soon to follow up! So please let God do something amazing and be part of this amazing adventure over the next few months!

I would ask that you would respond, even if it is to say that you can't support me right now, please let me know!

God's blessings!

Tony.

A long weekend.

2008-06-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a weekend of many new things.

A new marriage. A new makeup expirement. And a new hairstyle, created by moi for one of my friends. Why should you care? Because. You just should.

So, I'm hoping lots more people are reading this now that I am linked on both Karisse and Kristal's blogspot pages...so here begin yee ole madness blog.

Eivind came and went. Saddness abound.

I got to hang out with my friend Holly from ComedySportz...she rocketh.

Brandon and Leslie finally tied the knot, which was an exciting wedding to be at. For real. The first time i met Leslie was over the phone...in the summer of 2006 at a chilli burger fast food place. Good times. All of their families were here and it was alot of fun having all the people around the base...like old times.

There was dancing, and grooving, and cheesecake - and I even wore eyeliner. It was inspired by Kyah and Kristal (of course it would be) but it's not like I put up a fight. I also did Katherine's hair. (This blog is turning more and more strange) But I was excited because Fiona taught me how to curl/wave hair with a flattening iron. And i think it looked gooood. In the hoooood.

Life is going in major dramatic ways. Ways I fear, ways I am exicted about, ways that seem like such good idea's then wake me up ina cold sweat during the night because they don't seem possible...but they are happening all right.

Oh yeah, I need you help.

I need to raise about 400dollars so I can fly back to ireland within the next week to begin raising support for my full time committment to missions! Please help and contribute, you are not just helping me, but advancing the kingdom of God.

Bless you punks.

p.s wedding pics should be on facebook.

Tony: Kristal, what do think about nuns..?

Kristal: (sniggers..)My first thought was like...they are sexy. But I feel sorry for them sometimes. My dad came to visit nuns when he was in Germany for like a week. Well, maybe it was a day...oh (laughs) I didn't realise how valley girl I sounded...this is why I dont have any friends...I sound just like those dumb girls on the radio yesterday (Disney FM)..and I was totally judging them and God was like don't be judgemental, and I am just like them, God just used you to prove that to me...(in a serious voice) Thanks Tony, for taking me off my high horse.

So...I went through this wardrobe...

2008-06-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

So...yesterday I almost went into anaphylactic shock...

I woke up on the base...pretty early...went to base meeting..and saw so many people that I havent seen in so long. I saw Eliza, and nearly died...it's only been two months but i didn't really vet to see her the last time i was here...so we are gonna hang like a hang nail.

There was a bit of a shock later when I walked into the little walkway thing and there stood my norwegian prince. Eivind.

DIED.

So we ended up spending the day being crazy fools. We had some lunch, hung out in the coffee room, went to the dollar store...then to the mall...and all of this was directed by our -on-the-phone GPS system, Katie Colvin.

After Eivy bought some clothes and dragged me around all the shops (what a woman) we got some food and prepared to depart.

Back at the base we put together a cunning plan to go see Narnia. I have seen it twice, but Katie, Annie nor Eivind, who were going with us, hadn't seen it, and I love it so I had no problem going to see it after all.

Which we did, and there were some mixed reviews, which we talked out on the way home...Norwegians!...So...then it was off to beddie byes.

P.S There was a serial killer in the mall...we almost died. He jumped on my back and proceeded to stab me four times, Katie flykicked him off and he landed in the fountain...and he burst into flames. It was scary. But we're ok.

I have returned.

2008-06-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

So I decided...it's about time I got back into the swing of blogging.

I kind of feel out of that swing, but now, after getting my blogging backbrace, or equivalent...blogging cast, or blogging eyepatch, I'm all better and ready to rejoin the world.

Are you there? Let me know.

Well, today has seen me packing like a mad man as I leave for California tomorrow. Indeed.

I thought you were in Virginia?
Well not anymore.
I will be going to california to pursue some wholeness in God. It's what I need, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I will be in an environment where I can be nutured and loved and where I will be able to see Godly leaders operate. I am very excited about that.

First I am stopping by the YWAM base to say hello to a few friends..which of course I would do.

But lets say, WHATS THE FLIPPIN DEAL WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO CHECK 2 BAGS ANYMORE??

Seriously, I am a missionary people, I can't just go paying willy nilly for bags and overweight and blah blah blah...What a tough situation...please pray that they dont charge me, or that God supernaturally lowers the weight of my bag, or the machine malfunctions...

So..packing. Packity pack pack. Takes so long. I am wrapping up my life here alot sooner than I thought...but in some ways thats good, because I know I am following God and excited to see where this crazy adventure takes me.

Oh boy...

well...here's some pictures of the packing frenzy...firstly..me in the mirror..

my 'worried im not gonna be able to get my bags on the plane' face.

the big bag and all the clothes that didn't fit in it..

my cool old fashioned suitcase

It feels good to be back...

Is it enough to cry??

2007-02-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

Well...where to begin.

The Fall DTS 2006/2007 officially graduated on Saturday. It was a time of mixed emotions and much anticipoation. Well at least for me. It also offical marked the end of what has been an incredible 5 months.

I had to speak at the graduation - and yeah - i thought i knew what i was going to tlak about, but i actually didnt until later that day, when God told me not to talk about the thing that i was meant to talk about in the first place. Phew...hard sentence to say.

So instead of speaking about Fedi and the Orphanage and all the stuff that was happening in my heart, I instead, went up to the stage with nothing specific in mind, and i even said that...asking God to help me know what to say.

Well - it went well. I felt like my inability to say anything coherent really showed my heart on the outreach. I was just in awe, and blown away of all the things that God had been doing, that i couldnt really express it in a way that made sense in any language. But yeah God spoke through me at the end, and i even was taught something myself.

Its not about YWAM. It's not about outreach or DTS. It has to ALWAYS be about Jesus. Everyday i have to wake up and CHOOSE him. Willingly except that he is my strength and that i can't do anything but live in him. But luckily, YWAM, DTS and outreach are ways in which we can meet God. But it's not about the way we meet, its about the actual meeting. I graduated last - it wasn't alphabetical, just coincidence. And people cheered like crazy. Honestly, it was so nice, i was really blown away by the ammount of love, and how people were proud of me. It was intense. It was nice because my family couldn't be there.

People have been leaving since then. Today, Eivind, Mike, Dihanna and Addie left. I spent last night with Eivind just talking and praying (and there was a little bit of crying - mostly on my part)...then he left today. I was so sad. I cried some more.

Eivind's been a big part of my life the last 5 months. I will definatly be in touch with him and know i'll see him again.

What's for me next?

School of Ministry Development. Starts in March. I will be under Lauren, Dan, Susie, Katie....and my fellow students (the ones i know) Dihanna, Kyle, Mike, Elise, Addie...

I'm trying to get home for a week or two before hand...we'll see how it works.

Crying shards of glass...

2006-12-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

In times like these when things are hectic and life is crazy, the is pure simplicity in the profound.

I'm finding life to be very simple at the minute. I'm either doing something right or something wrong. But that's okay. I'm not perfect. I'm just a simple northern-irish man after God's heart.

I'm feeling sentimental cause this time last year I was living with Glenn, had a job and was preparing for Christmas. This year I am a missionary, have no money, and live with a bunch of people from all over the world. Now I'm not saying I prefer the first situation...but it was definatly more 'cosy'. But this year I am inlove with Jesus more and more and he is becoming the best friend I could have ever wanted. This Christmas I will be in Africa, loving people and loving Jesus.

It has been a crazy year, and as this extravaganza of '2006' ends, I will be loving it. Am i crazy for trying? And crazy for crying? And crazy for loving you?

Sorry...listening to Patsy Cline.

Life is nothing I have expected it to be, but rather an intriguing surprise even to myself. We can never have control. Once we realise that, i think it is easier to give everything to God.

And I've treid and I've tried, but I haven't yet given everything. And the certainty is knowing that it is okay. God will gradually strip me of the tiny things that hold me back. Until then, I will continue living in the freedom I have, and loving the joy that i have found.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I've got my memories...or have they got me...? (Me last december at a Numinous gig in Dublin....check out Andy Frame looking random. And my red haircolour.)

Why....?

2006-12-02T23:49:00.000-08:00

So it happened. It was inevitable. Yet my heart was crushed all the same.

Sally was brutally stabbed in the 2006 season finale of Home and Away. Will she survive? I think yes. But they taunt us with this 'montage' of Sally's life at the end of the finale. Was that to say R.I.P? or to say Happy 18th Anniversairy'? No-one knows. Except the maker of Home and Away.

So...Sally and Brad finally got together. Only 10months after Flynns death, and only 4 months after knowing him. They shared a romantic kiss under the mistletoe and Sally exited to the parking lot to go get ready for their dinner. She was startled by Rocco, who was clearly upset. She tried to talk to him, but all he said was 'He gave me no choice..I'm sorry'. As he pulled Sally in. She gasped. The knife went in.

She fell.

Gasping.

Then slumped to the ground in the midst of Silent Night lyrics "Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace." Ironic.

Here is Sally as she was about to be stabbed -

and Sally momentarily after the stabbing -

To see this heart wrenching moment watch my video on my profile...

Will she survive? Who will find her? Who will avenge her?

I better start praying?

(Home and Away does not start back until January 2007) *sob*

Maybe it's nothing...maybe it's all just in my mind..

2006-11-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

There are thirteen minutes until i give my heart to 'CAN'T SAY WHERE.'

No. Im not leaving. But i do have to do research.

Things are heating up and we have 10 days left. Oh my flipping word. And i need $3000. Let's see how Jesus provides for this one. Twelve minutes.

Yes...so Friday is our talent show. Kyak (my new name for Kyah) Maria and I are performing 'Downtown', from 'Girl Interrupted.' It should be fun! I also wrote a play called 'Jodi's Christmas Nightmare' and it has chereographed dance. Haha! I like to think of myself as multi-talented. Or at least 'multi-trying'. ten minutes.

I just watched two episodes of Home and Away. Kim and Rachel got married. And then that stupid ugly runt Lee came back for her baby. And she got it! Unfair! Seriously, i feel like praying for this situation, but I know it wouldn't help cause they aren't real. Maybe I could pray for the writers of the show...

And Sally...who's idea was it for her to flipping stabbed and left for dead??

That is Stoopid! I love Sally. It's like everything in my life is coming to an abrupt end. nine minutes. So I am going to 'Can't Say Where', Home and Away is going to be on a break, so I won't be able to find out who's dead until I get back.

eight minutes. I have been thinking of coming on full time staff here at L.A. It means i will be working full time with the Mission Adventures programme. Katherine says she already has plans for me...interesting. So i guess i am going to be doing the School Of Ministry Development in March. Here in L.A...that will last until Mission Adventures....then I will come on full time staff, and have to have regular supporters and stuff. That will be grown up for me.

Anyway..apparantly Kyah is getting married. I just don't know who to. I hope it goes better than Kim and Rachel's wedding. They lost their adoptive baby!

Seriously why? Why Lee, WHY?! five minutes...okay so here are a few pictures of how I am feeling...

Three minutes. (I wish this computer would hurry up.) Okay time is up now cause I've been waiting...

Finally...oh Sally...she looks afraid...Well done Home and Away...if you kill her...I will never watch again...(okay I so will...but idle threats are much needed.)

Must dash.

A Thanksgiving Tale

2006-11-24T01:21:00.000-08:00

So...Thanksgiving was today!

I spent it with Katie's family up in Vacaville, North California, and i will be here for the next few days. It is such a lovely house and her parents and family are amazing people. Although her cat is soooo fat. Any we took LOADS of pictures but we'll get to that later.

We drove here yesterday from the base in L.A it took us from 1.15pm until 7pm so not really that long considering all the traffic. But the rdie was fun, especailly cause Rolf and Annie are here too. So we sang some Hollaback Girl..(all four of us, loud in our rental car) and enjoyed the smell of cow crap. Yum. Anyway...we stoped by a bull..(a fake one..) and i cut my toe open. ANnie just laughed. Like the Norwegian cold hearteed fiend she is. Katie's family also gave her her christmas presents cause she wasn't gonna be here. It was nice...I got a Starbucks gift card from them! Whoop!

SO I miss people...Kyle...Rachel..Dihanna...Leah...Addie...Mike...but I'll see them soon enough. But yeah...here is some pictures of this amazing day of thanks!

The Bull on the way there attacking me!

Me, Katie and our child...Bullface.

Katie , Me and Annie

Katie getting her photoshoot

Me doing my best pout!

The foreigners unite! (we even prayed in our own languages!)

Big family gathering!

Me going crazy on the turkey!

Me and Rolf!

Annie, Katie and Rick (Katie's dad)

Megan - Katie's sister

Me eating my first Yam!

My thanksgiving creation!

Too much turkey make Tony go cRaZy!

Katie at dinner!

Me at dinner!

Annie at dinner!

Rolf at dinner! (Smoking a carrot..)

Katie and Annie

Not ready for my close up

Definately not ready for my close up...

...neither was Annie...

However...Katie was...

Nice picture i set up..spot me in the background!

Katie and Me looking HOT

Katie in shock of my beauty...

Me in shock of hers...

Oh my flip...theres a camera!

Katies Little Mermaid Pressies!

Katie cries as she recieves her new laptop!

My stocking!

Where did the time go?

2006-11-20T04:06:00.000-08:00

I really miss home. As it dawned on me that in two weeks I will be in Africa....i really miss home. My friends in particular. My friend Carly just celebrated her 20th birthday, and man, I wish i could have been there. If not for my own fun, then just to heighten it for others!

I remember the olden days when we weren't 20, but we were 18 and Gillian was having a fancy dress party and i went as a priest. Or when we were 15 and had to stay behind after school for drama. Or when we were 17 and had our formal. My life has literally been going so fast the last few years, just want to grab it and say 'Okay life, time to slow down!'. Woah. Wee Carly Young is 20..it's mad. My nephew is three this week! Amanda is 18! I've been a Christian for 2 years!

Time to slow down.

Gillian and I were in every single same class since nursery.
Carly and I had an onion fetish and invented Ragamuff.
Noreen and I. Well..i was inlove with her. Then fell out of love with her. Then we had a moment in Upper Sixth. It was the most intense 3 seconds of my life.

The Birthday Gurl and gang! (Carly, Laura, Noreen and Gillian.)

Noreen's new hair!

Carly hadn't quite adjusted to alcohol!

This picture actually defines Carly Young.

Noreen and Gillian showing me what I'm missin'!

Noreen , me and Jaclyn, 17 at the formal.

Carly Young (actually young) and Gillian :way back in the day.

Vicky, Gillian and Me at Gillians 18th.

Do you C Lemmons?

2006-11-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

So this weekend was kinda tough. Well, for me and Addie at least. We just had ALOT going on.

Friday night was when everyone watched AFV. But i wasn't in it, cause I didn't go. But it was Basically the 'Kyah and Eivind' show anyway. So they put out ice-cream too, but Jodi was sneaky and put out lots of bowls of nuts, crushed oreos etc...so why was this sneeky? Cause in between all the goods was a bowl of MINCED MEAT. It didnt even look like meat though. So when i figured it out, i didn't say anything, i thought it would be funny if i could trick someone. So Marit came in and was all, 'Oh what is this stuff?' and i was like 'It's an oatmeal cookie thing.' She says, 'Yum!' and sticks aload of it on her ice-cream. I couldn't take it (the amazing-ness of my deception) and i turned around and walked to Jodi. Laughing of course. So a minute later we both hear this 'Eugh!!' and we turn to see Marit hunched over the bin/trash can, spitting her ice cream into there. Oh man...it was fun times. I also watched millions of Home and Away...at last!

Saturday saw alot of 'Team Can't Say Where' prep. Like learning dramas and skits and clowns etc. But i wasn't in either so i had some time to kill. Except in the morning i was on breakfast prep, which was kinda fun, cause we had Jodi, and Maria was there cause she had a work duty. So it was easy. Then i had to cover Alan's work duty cause he slept in. Tut tut. Anyway - while people where training i had to do some research. So it was kinda easy. Then I had dinner prep. It was hard but fun. We made fries, chicken popcorn and pizza and Addie said this amazing thing, 'If anyone says "Oh my gawsh, this pizza is BURNED!"...it was really funny! So...we were listening to Shake It OFf by Mariah Carey, and Addie was telling me how it is her theme song for a certain relationship she had. And she was quoting the song about the guy and she said, 'You keep on playing games like you know I'm here to stay'. But she was like 'He kept on playing games like he knew i was there to stay,' It was hilarious! We also added a new inside joke called, 'DONT CHANGE MY MUSIC!'..yes Eyd that means you...we love her though. But she walked in and said, 'I don't like this song..' changed it, then walked out and i didn't see her for like an hour.

Last night we watched Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh my word...it's my favourite movie. (of last night.) Then this morning I got to lie in cause i didnt have any prep to do, cause Alan had to do everything...even though i just found out he went to bed instead! Then today we learnt a new drama for 'Team Cant Say Where'. I am the partier, and I smoke weed and do a line of coke and throw up over Addies shoes. It is fun. Then we had dinner prep and EVERYONE was complaining, cause we decided to do breakfast for dinner. Haha! So we made fresh pancakes and muffins and french toast and tater tots. Yum. And we had bananas and ice cream too. Then i kept my apron on at dinner, so people would know i made it, so they wouldnt say anything like 'ugh i hate breakfast dinner.' I was just protecting my heart. Poor Addie didn't wear an apron, therefor her heart was vulnerable to attacks from our DTS. *sob* I also have to give a shout out to His Royal Masterchef Kyle. He has worked in SO many kitchens. He knows how to make pancakes (both fat and thin)...and how to make a mess doing it...thank you for helping us! (no really thanks. we would never have managed without you)...

Then after dinner I came to the computer lab and I've been here ever since. I leave in three days for Sacramento / San Fran, I'm extremly excited! Thanksgiving in America!

People always ask me, 'Don't you have Thanksgiving in Ireland?'..and I'm like 'Well...no cause we don't have native Americans..' DUH.

'Can't you just take a compliment?' Madame Addie C. Lemmons...(here is a poem i wrote about Addie to win an iPOD....i SO ddin't win. :(

'Simply Lemmons'

'Addie.
As blonde hair falls over your shoulders,
You simply become.
You simply be.
You inspire.

You are beauty incarnate.
You are love.
You are life.
You are everything' - By Anthony William Webster. (On www.poetry.com)

Thank You Sandra!

2006-11-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

So Moses thinks I blog too much. Well if you ask me, I think he needs a good old blogging. So Moses..here is a blog for you.

Moses....hmm...i met him in May when he was working for a store and would be awake all hours of the nights, and the first few times i met him i totally though he hated me...Then he brought his playstation over and things were looking up. (although i think it was his grandma's playstation..)

So then we staffed MA together and that was an experience in a half. Seriously the guy is extremely gifted when it comes to people. Everyone loved him...and rightly so...I have only come into my love for Mo recently, but it is extremly sweet, cause it has been cool to look over the summer and discover a new depth of like and love for this incredible man of God. I am so privledged he is my authority! He is learning...he is genuine...he is coming into a a new sphere (excuse the use of this weeks lecture material!) and I absolutly adore the man, he deserves so much respect for doing the job he does..all i have to say now i s...Hmmm...Papa!

Well...this afternoon when i was 'helping' Kyah with work duties, we got to see Hope Floats. And it made me realise a few things...when people ask me..'Who is your favourite actress?' I can say 'Sandra Bullock.' I love her. So much. Not in an idolatry way though! And if it is i totally repent!

So...she said something rather profound that i have to share...it is extremly encouraging and God has blessed me through this!

''Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad. It's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.''

Woah. Profound. Actually. It makes a lot of sense. Thank you Sandra B.

Maybe this time...I'll be lucky...

2006-11-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

So after pondering my latest blog...i wondered what it would be that would perk up my mood. And i realised that maybe my mood is not gonna change so soon. It's not so much a mood like a thirteen year old girl mood, but a kind of 'atmosphere'. I think this whole Lilly thing has really made me question alot of things, about myself, God and YWAM. In some ways i am so grateful to have the oppertunity to form my own answers.

So I might be going home for Thanksgiving. AGAIN. Well...we will see what happens, I have to speak to my friend Jack about it.

Outreach is approaching fast and I hope to have internally answered all my questions before then.

Now I know what you are thinking, 'Tony, NO! These questions are from Satan!?!' But seriously they aren't. I definatly think i'm raising some issues i was afriad to raise, so it will bne nice to kind of evaluate everything i thought and either enter into new thoughts or leave the mission...we'll see what happens...just be praying for me.

Maybe this time...

I really love Connie and Carla - it has to be like the gayest movie ever. But still i find it alot of fun. Me, Noreen and Jaclyn saw it in the theatre when it came out. And then me and my sister watched it a bunch of times at home. And then one night when i was living with Glenn Woodward, it was on the movie channel really late, and i just stayed up and watched it and loved it. It's a remake of Some like It Hot. Where these girls (connie and carla) witness a murder so they go into hiding and in order to hide they become drag queens! So its women pretending to be men, pretending to be women! It is hilarious! Well..drop me some pearls of wisdom or even tell me what your favourite movie is?

Asian...everywhere...

2006-11-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

long time since i last blogged.

Woah...that sounds totally asian. I actually wrote 'It has been,' at the start but i didn't come out...

Anyway the last few weeks have seen some amazing things happen..I shall bulletpoint them for you.

*I roadtripped to Colorado through California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah and Colorado.
*We had a four day amazing conference and worship time 8000ft in Estes Park on a mountain.
*God revealed alot of things about my future to me.
*I met a new amazing friend called Eric. My ministry partner and English speaking extraordinaire.
*I had a really tough week making some decisions on whether or not i was gonna do something...omninous...i know.

This week was sweet though! Kenny Peavy asked me to play keys for him at the New Wave conference (which in YWAM, thats a big deal - actually outside YWAM it's a big deal too!) so i have been the last five nights. I have been able to hear our founder of the mission, Loren Cunningham everynight, and on Saturday we had our Open Base day and he was here again. Our base needs 75,000 to get some projects started and we had a small offering and got 76,000! It was sweet...Also...we got to see the Performance DTS from Kona , Hawaii. And i should mention the fact that they are ABSOLUTLY CRACKING! Seriously...they had old korean dance, ballet, hip hop (like immense hip hop) singing, acting and everything combined to make a performance of 'The Prodigal Son'. I was so impressed i want to staff one of those DTS now to be in it!

I had the priveledge to get to know some of the amazing people in the DTS. Danielle, Tammy, Jess, Maria, Danny...and many others whose name i didn't get. But i was playing piano for thousands of people in all! Seriously an honor. I am really learning my heart for worship, which i kind of felt this summer. But this week has really expanded it. So...the purpose of this conference? The raise up American/Asians into ministry, because now is the time when God is calling them to make a change. They have two cultures and twice the responsibility. Those guys are so passionate and dedicated, i see the American Asians (specifically American Koreans) as the next set of world heroes! it will be exciting to see what God will use them to do!

So I'm feeling called, definately into YWAM, but also to China. It just gets confirmed MORE and MORE. Also...my sister is having another baby boy! What the heck! God revealed to me her pregnancy...CHECK. God told me it was a girl....NOT CHECK...what was going on!!!??? So God was like, 'Tony...there will be A girl...i didn't say this one was gonna be a girl.' And I'm like...'Ahh...okay....so more babies?' And i can't really tell her cause she'll feel all under pressure to reproduce! tut tut...well...to close this off...i shall promise to blog more...and theres only like 26 days untili enter the land of 'not allowed to say where'...BUT YOU KNOW...if you don't, you can message me and I'll tell you...but for now...get writing me christmas cards, cause i need them for 1st December!

Lots of love.....

Tony.

P.S I also want to take this oppertunity to honour Kyah Feldes. She IS from the fields. And i do love her so. She is so unique, in her own strange 'Winona Ryder-ish' way. I thank god for bringing her into my life. FOr brightening up my heart..for making me smile whenever i HATE BEING CRUSHED IN THE VAN!

Heres me and Kyah not looking our best (I'm sorry Kyah but seriously we look rough..although we had travelled for some time.)

Eivind and Kyah doing dramatic hair poses in Colorado!

80's day at the base!

The Travel posse! Day one! (about 20minutes into the 20hours ride and i hated it!)

Team 'CAN'T SAY WHERE'

My DTS Girls! Playazz!

Our Beautiful open day...I look so constipated!

A new type of blog!

2006-10-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

Okay...so i dont normally do these type of blogs...but there will be a brief update...then a survey-ish thing. i think i need to get it out of my system.

So the last few days ahve been amazing, Ive met with God in more new ways and I'm definately loving DTS now. Haha Satan you can't have me!

So...people are away to America's Funniest Home Videos to be in the audienmce, but i decided not to go cause, i dont like american humor. (im sorry, but a dog jumping out a window is not funny). So yeah...things are great..Home and Away is great...now here is the soundtrack for my life.

I put my iPod on shuffle and retrieved my answers...

Opening Credits:
You Probably Couldnt See The Lights But You Were Looking Straight At Me - Arctic Monkeys

Waking Up:
I've Never Felt Like THis Before - Shaznay Lewis

First Day At School:
Turn Back Time - Aqua

Falling In Love:
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5 (HAHA!)

Fight Song:
Just A Girl - No Doubt

Break up song:
Still Dirrty - Christina Aguilera (HAHA!)

Prom:
Dirty Mary - Lady Bouncer

Lifes Ok:
Gone Going - Black Eyed Peas and Jack Johnson

Mental Breakdown:
Walk Away - Christina Aguilera

Driving:
You Remind Me - Usher

Flashback:
Consequences - Christophe Beck

Get Back Together:
How Many Times How Many Lies - Pussycat Dolls

Wedding:
Vibrate - Petey Pablo

Birth of Child:
Lady Marmalade - Christina, Lil Kim, Pink and Mya

Final Battle:
Crazy - Britney Spears

Death Scene:
Time After Time - Eva Cassidy

Funeral Song:
Naughty Girl - Beyonce (What the frick haha!)

End Credits:
How Can I Tell - Sara Groves.

P.S Kyle has been an amazing friend. Im extremly grateful for his love and friendship. I love you bro.

Well...this is GOD.

2006-10-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

WELL...IS THIS IT? IT DEFINATLY IS! Ok so...sorry to have gotten everyones anger and dramatic hopes up. But i dont think the blog i promised is gonna happen. Mostly cause, Jesus has done some amazingly sweet things in my life in the last 24hours.

So yesterday morning, I wrote an enrty in my journal, cussing God out, and saying 'You know, why do you hate me? Cause my life sucks. And if you want me, come and get me. Cause im sick and tired of being the only one in this relationship.'

Then true to his promises, he really delivered. I have been feeling bad the last few weeks, stuff to do with my testimoney and things i havent told certian people about my life, cause i thought i could deal with it by myself. But DTS has really taught me that I need to get it out in the open, cause when its in the light, then satan cant attack me in the dark. So...with that in mind, I've beent alking to our school leader Bonnie, and i am gonna have a chance to share all the deep dark secrets of my soul with the rest of our DTS. Im scared, but extremly excited and its really what i need.

So then...yesterday...Conrad approaced me aand asked my permission to put me on the list for an offering that we were gonna have for four students who were having trouble raising the support for lecture phase, whih was 2935. And i had only paid 100 dollars of it and had 2835 left to pay within a few weeks time. So, I had to go sit at the front with a bowl infront of me and the rest of our group got pieces of paper and thy prayed and asked God WHO they should support and HOW MUCH. So between the four of us (I needed to most) we needed $8000. So we had the offering..and honestly, there were a good number of people putting paper in, but i seriously had more paper than probably people there! God totally worked a miracle. I was prepared for 200-300 (which i would have been so grateful for.) But no.

No way. Jesus was like - Tony, heres what you think...you think I'll provide, but don't think I'll provide enough. And he totally blew me away. So...out of the 8000...we got 5000! and 1700 of it was for me! So...God totally came through for me on that note.

So thinking...'God you have totally proved yourself'. He decided to go a bit further. You see i have had bad cavities (needing filled) in my teeth for afew months, but there is one i like to Darth Cavity. Cause seriously, its like my tooth hates me and is trying to kill me from inside my mouth. I've told like everyone (sorry for complaining) but dentistry costs too much out here, like $80 for a filling!...so i went to my mailbox and inside was a letter, no stamp or anything, so it came from someone on base, that has $80 inside and a note that said 'for your cavity'. Oh my word! haha! Thank you Jesus!...so I thought that was amazing. Well not quite.

Our speaker, Kristy Wilke, was like 'lets do something practical tonight' (we are learning how to hear gods voice) So we had to go out into the neighbourhood and ask God which house to pray for, and what things we needed to pray for. Which scared me at the thought of it! But...i decided, you know what, lets do it! So i was with Molly and Stephanie and we prayed, 'God just make it so clear!'...I had an image of like a fence type thing around the house..wheras Steph didnt. We also had a feeling about a red garage. So we walked by a house that had a red garge and me and steph were like, 'is this it?' And Molly was like 'no.' So we went further on. So we prayed for specifics...'Lord let us walk by a house, and if its the one, can you turn a light on?'..so we are walking...we come to a junction, and we all think, 'lets turn right'. So we did. Then we walked past this house, and a light came on! We knew this was it! And right after that, in the driveway of this house, parked right out side the GARAGE was a car with the license plate letters R-E-D.

We knew this was the house. It was so dark and scary looking, and satan had such a hold on the place. We just started praying to see who the family were, what they were going through and what we should do about it. God totally gave us some specifics. Like it was a hispanic family with a little girl. And for other reasons, that all i can reveal what he said. (although if youw ant to hear how specific he was, just send me a message and i'll tell you so you can pray about it) But we're talking major specific. Like ALL of us felt and knew these things. When we prayed we decided to put our hands ON the house so we could like, put our prayers INTO the house...and oh my word, the light came on, and lit up a rosebush at the house..and in a instant the house looked alot different and we could see flowers and things. It was amazing. So we walked back. And as we passed the first hosue witht he red garage we thought we should pray for, the light came on! Meaning...that God totally stopped that light from coming on when we passed first, casue it was a motion sensor light. God totally led us to the house we prayed for, and totally showed up and spoke to us. It was amazing...like...oh my word.

So then we came back and shared and done these things were we got words for each other and stuff. And its amazing, i feel like Kristy totally opened a door for God to speak to me so easily. And cause my heart was pure from repenting all the crap i had felt earlier that day. God totally brought that back for me. Then Eivind bought me a new Ben and Jerrys ice cream flavour..Turtle Soup!

So today...we were in lecture and Kristy was talking about something..like if you cant hear how God thinks about you, ask him how he thinks about soemone else. And she picked me. So everyone was praying about what God felt for me. Karisse said about how when a child puts on little plays and shows for their parents and the paretns are just like in awe of the child and totally delight in them, that God was like that for me. And Molly and Kyah were just sensing how i make God laugh and he delights in me and i make him smile. Allan was getting a crazy sense of love falling on me and Rachael told me after that God to me was like how she felt watching her nieces ake crazy things. And Kristy told me how God was lifting me up like telling people, 'Look at my son!' And that i was a trophy for God cause he won me. It was so encouraging. Seriously..one day later i feel like a totally new person!

Thank you so much Jesus!

Whoop!

Oh my gash!

2006-10-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

Okay...so my blogs have become a bit infrequent, but thats because too many crazy things are happening in DTS and i dont always have time to get on the computer and write a blog.

Ah...i still have to do 5 pages in my journal..ahh!

Anyway, the last few days have been hard and good at the same time. God is doing things, like hes really talking to me and helping me hear his voice. Like we were out doing Urban Plunge, where we were in our outreach times, and there where clues over L.A, and we had to use the clues to find the location, and at that location there would be another clue for the NEXT ocation. So every 15 mintues we rotated leaders. But theres a twist...DUH DUH DUHHHH....with every clue we had to do a challenge, for example, I had to lead the whole team of 16, blindfoled! (they were blindfolded, not me,) and it was psycho, cause we were crossing roads and getting honkled at and it was pretty scary. Ohertimes we had to march, hold our leader off the ground...generally hard things. So when Dihanna was our leader, she was asking people in the street for help, and i dont think they spoke english. So Katherine suggested praying, so we did. And right away, after we finished praying i just pointed at this man across the street, and said, 'Diahnna you have to ask him where to go'. SO she did...and he knew! It was class, that God totally answered our prayers.

Then Dihanna fell into a hole, it was scary i though she cut her leg open, but we quicky prayed and i think she felt better. It was sweet.

Guys..i'm not gonna go into too much detail, but just pray that God gets all my outreach stuff sorted out...

Much Love.

Tony

Yes I am complaining cause im tired and sick of DTS

2006-09-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

So...the last few days have been really tough. There have beena lot of things going on in my spirit, that maybe I havent wanted to happen, or maybe just wasn't ready to have happen and Im exhausted and regretting DTS majorly.

So we had a Relationships video thing all week. Which was actually really good...like REALLY good. But yeah...i've realised alot of sin in my life that i tthought i was over, but its clearly not. So im feeling kind of depressed but trying to identify and realise lies in my life...

Sometimes i hate being a christian. But yes i do at the minute.

Tony Webster (i.e Boring Face)

The Last Night Of Freedom!

2006-09-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

The Last Night of Freedom

So DTS has nearly started. In about an hour and a half it starts. Josh isn't coming but hey...

Last night was a real blast, or as Leah would say, it was 'bangin'. or 'stellar'. but that just reminds me of my friend nick stellar...which reminds me to meet up with him. I got tickets for the megan mullally show...yknow Karen from Will and Grace...?

Anyway..we played a lot of card games with signals no one knew, except the master of cards, Lez. Then we played sardines and i hid in the dumpster. haha! Leah and Dehanna nearly wet themselves laughing at my laugh...it kinda sounds like mutley...but hey..i can;t help it, cause my mum laughs almost the same.

Then the second game was sarines too, but Leah and Dehanna hid up a tree and in a feeble attempt to climb it to, i ripped my trousers open from crotch to the knee! which kinda annoyed me cause i flipping love those trousers..anyway..i hafta ask Kizzy t sew them for me. Cause its too much to hand sew.

We then played this game were we had to capture the other team...when they were tryin to capture us, i was smart and hid near the 'jail' so i could free my teamates, but after freeign one girl, who ran the wrong way and got caught, i feel and got caught too...so instead of winning i just ended upa loser with a cut arm and knee with a hole in my trousers...ahh...but still. it was a stellar bangin time all the same. I love my new Dts.

Tony

Ode to Joshua Boelk

2006-09-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

Less than five minutes ago, the computer lab was arife with the hustle and bustle of DTS students using computers...and now I am alone. And I am feeling quite melancholic. I'm not too sure why....i'm not sad or alone really..i just feel this way a bit.

I heard from Josh today, and he has got the big go ahead for DTS...i really hope he does it! Cause not only is he one of my best mates, but he is the most real genuine guys ever. He doesnt put on this fake, 'I'm an amazing Christian' attitude and is shockingly real, but in a good way. I seen him grow so much this summer, and i was lucky to be a part of that. I miss not having him as a roommate. Like when i was home and had my own room, i just longed for a good Josh conversation. And i've been praying fo rhim a lot, that he would come do DTS, cause i really feel it is in Gods plan for him. So if your reading this Josh...please come to L.A.

I'm listening to a song by Christina Aguilera called 'The Right Man'. Oh, my iPod just done something weird..i hope it is not breaking! Anyway...I'm gonna leave this blog with a sense of saddness. Ah....I love my new DTS students, they all seem like really nice people... I can't wait to get to know them.

Slan go foil. (Bye bye)

Dont Die Anna Faris!!

2006-09-15T11:15:00.000-07:00

So..new students started to arrive, and its been pretty exciting getting to see everybody. Nealry everybody is here, and I am very excited to get know these guys...(and gurls.) In my trailer so far there is Me, Marc, Lez and Eivan. (i think its pronounced Ivan, but i cant spell it, hes from Norway.) So we are still waiting on 7 more guys..but there are 21 girls! We are severly outnumbered, but it should be fun. The gurls seem likea fun good bunch. The ones i remember so far..Lea, from New York, she seems like a lot of fun, so it will be interseting getting to know her. And Dehannah (ive probbably spelt it wrong) but she seems crazy too! Then there is rachel...and Eidi and Marie, and of course crazy Mary from Norway...and we have a girl from France, and another girl from Switzerland, who is friends with Solenn and Sandrine. Kinda crazy but fun..there are a buunch more..but anmes are escaping me...

So last night i hung out with the girls for a bit, cause the guys were missing in action, and i got some new music for my tin whistle...which excited me....

also..and right now im listening to Christina Aguileras new album...i flipping love it. Anyway...Moses is gonna spray paint my shoes gold, im excited! haha! Today i feel like a steek cause im wearing tracksuit bottoms and an umbro teeshirt! Wee smick like! haha! So i scrapbooked some more and spoke to Susie and Lauren...and they told me i was pretty...

So i went to bed after having some Irish stew...yuummy....but i had the weirdest dream ever. It was like this Mission Impossible thing, but Anna Faris (froim scary movie was in it) it was a murder mystery. I was in my living room, from my old house on the donegall road, and there was like this demon dog trying to bite me, so i ad to hang onto the light and spin around on it. Then there was this big adventrue at this swimming place, and i sneaked through secret passage ways, and drove a car and knockled down some police men, it was weird. Then me and the other guy..(i dont know who it was) were in South Africa, but it was Antarcia, and we were sitting in the ice, with our coats and hats and things, around this fire...then we had to go rescue Anna Faris and this other old glamourous lady. So we did and then the other guy brought us to this train tunnel and we were riding on this really small board on the tracks (lying down) and trains were flying towards us and we were going under them.Anna was sooo scared (well so was I, it was pretty scary!) so she put her hand out to scrape the ground to get a grip and stop, but it pulled her body up and she got impaled on this pole thing, right through the neck, it was so sad and scary, cause she was alive, and then the pole started shaking so she couldnt get free and her neck broke. I think i was crying, it was so sad, and alot more graphic than in this blog..i was so sad. I love Anna Faris..

Susie Lauren and Big Fat pregnant Alison!

2006-09-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

So...two blogs in one day! Not exactly...the last one was from yesterday, however, I couldn't post it, cause Myspace was doing what it does best. NOT WORKING. So here is Todays actual blog! I hope you enjoyed the last one..this ones a bit more light hearted...

So, its been really nice (not having much to do, but still just being here) I've been having a lot of fun with Lauren and Susie. Susie is this english chick, who is maybe a toff, but hides it well with her dirty humor! haha! I think i love her...actually i do! I didnt have a toothbrush and was feeling like a big stink rat, so Susie was going out with Big Pregnant Alison and bought me a toothbrush...not just any toothbrush...an electric one! Not just any electric one, A SPIDERMAN ELECTRIC ONE! Flippity flip flip! The most amazing toothbrush ever!

Then last night we went out for ice cream, and I seemed to be the only one who knew the way there...so when we got there...turns out I'd taken them to the wrong place! haha! So while Lauren disguised her anger....(she was sooo mad pretending not to be!)...she picked up some Klondike (i hate the name) cones and we ate some of those bad boys. So, we got in the car, and drove to subway a few blocks up, (Than and Jonas wanted subway..and they offered me a drink so i had to take it, seeing i forgot to get my euros changed! (Good excuse i know!) So, we parked beside these people, and this one girl, the driver, called these guys over, and was like 'Listen to this' and played some ridiculous emo music...so we decided to do some thing (the cars were right beside each other, like you had to be careful getting out cause they were so close) so we opened out windows and put on some classical music! Lauren and Susie were cracking up, but I, a true thespian, held my composure...as you do, they didnt seem to flinch, (the other people) i think maybe they were embarrassed...anyway..when a spare space came free, we drove right to the subway door. Than and Jonas were taking ages cause they were flirting with the women inside...so we put on some more mexican and classical music and blasted it! The car from before (now behind us) the guys standing outside the car both turned round and lookmed right at us. It was hilarious. So then Lauren and me got outta the car and had a dance party in the street in front of subway. It was fun! Then Than and Jonas came out, and Than joined in..it was a great time! Then when we came back to the base, we had somemore klondike (ugh) cones and chilled ofr a bit..and i drank my recently purchased Subway Coke. yummy. Well..my little bluetooth device is well sweet for pictures...so check out these bad boys!

Over and out - Seargant Tony.

This is the hot little toff Susie

This is Lauren...both innocent and seductive...she can be both cause shes part mexican you know...

This is the amazing toothbrush (and me and susie!)

This is my room! It might look a bit like a dump now...but i assure you...its gonna get nicer soon!

Probably my most personal blog EVER!

2006-09-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

Okay. So this is a very personal blog. And it’s also a tiny bit annoying to write, just cause I had nearly finished when all of a sudden I lost everything I was typing. But I’m gonna do it again. Just cause its important to me. So…November 2005. My one year anniversary as a Christian. I had just left home due to family problems. I was living with my friend, Glenn, in Bangor. I didn’t have much to do, cause I had dropped out of Uni as well. So all I had to do was go to the beach down by my friend’s house. It is a really nice spot. Sometimes cold, actually always cold, but the sea is nice and the beach is beautiful. There are a lot of rocks, but I like rocky beaches. So…I spent a lot of time down at the beach, writing journal entries. This was a time when I really started seeking God and really started to feel his presence. I just found these entries in my bag I packed for America! So I think there is some relevance in them. So I am gonna type them up and let you read them. They are personal, so appreciate them and let me know if you have any thoughts. I thought this would be a nice interesting way for people who haven’t known me that long to kind of see into my past. The bold writing are song quotes I was listening too at the time of writing. Excuse the Pussycat Dolls one. Haha! Other bold things are thoughts and bible verses! Track the progress over the weekend period I wrote these! God is good!

Friday 11th November

I just sit here and wonder – why isn’t Christian life really easy. I mean we’ve got God on our side, yet for me to be writing this contradicts it. I mean I know God is real, and loves me, but as I think that – I feel nothing. Just void of emotion. It was good for a few months and all, then there’s just been this increasing ‘nothing’. No communication, despite various attempts. It is very easy for people to say ‘everyone has a dry spell, or feels disconnected’. I fear that the enemy has a grip on me and I just can’t release it. I mean, even at home things are bad. We all make effort, but my parent’s just make me so angry and I hate the effect living there has on me. I just can’t stay there any longer. I’m also considering dropping out of University and just disappearing. I just want God to reach to me and take my hand. I can’t imagine he likes to see me feeling so down. Lord, I just want you to open the eyes of my heart.

PLEASE LORD, I AM DESPERATE AND THIRSTY!

Perhaps I am holding myself back.

I’ve got he freedom to stand, the future is mine, I’m going to give all I can – to break down these walls that hold me in, You’re my reason to live.

Monday 15th November

The beach is blowing moderate coldness on the old skin here. I’ll tough it out though to write this out. This is a time of much thought of reflection and learning – which seems to happen every time I come to Bangor aka The North pole of Ireland. ABSOLUTLY BALTIC!
Prayer was amazing last night, one of the most ‘connected’ prayers I’ve had in a long time. I’ve just really discovered giving ‘it’ to God. ‘It’ being whatever I feel is holding me back, my chains, my problems. My soul feels lighter, which can only be good and things seem to be on the up!
BESIDES THE STUPID ROYAL MAIL JOB I DIDN’T GET!
So I went round Bangor looking for a we job to keep me going for a while. Then, with God help and much lessons learnt, I will be home for Christmas. So…what should I call my time here? Down Time? Reflection? Spiritual retreat? I shall use a Numinous lyric here to sum up what I feel is happening.

“I was black and white before you came, now I am burning with a brighter kind of flame.”

The clouds are looking a bit dodgy, but should I really be that surprised? It’s Bangor!! So I am feeling pretty positive about being here. My only worry is Sharon and Shelby – haha! Not ‘Shelby’, that’s a furby thing, I mean, Selby. Tut, it is the beach and all the shells. I presume Gods telling me to buy a Shelby.
The point was…I don’t want to put them out for too long. Well...I’ve just got frostbite so I’m heading back.

I realize now that the hurt I feel is my discipline. How often we complain when we feel disciplined by God, and never seem to credit him for the wound he heals. The wound is a lesson, we might not like it, but that’s how God works. We often attribute all our hurt towards God and forget he is the one we should attribute ALL aspects of our life, especially the good. For how do we learn if we don’t make mistakes and come out the other end better for it?

“We take the good days from God – why not the bad?” Job 2.10

Job 2.22 “You’ll shrug off disaster and famine and stroll fearlessly through/among wild animals.’

This is the challenging part. I have had my fair share of disaster (clearly not famine though) so it is a bit difficult to get a firm grip on the concept of this verse. I see it to be more of an example of God’s might, as there are many Christians that DO go through famine and disaster in other countries. I guess it is hard to gauge ‘disaster’ because people have different degrees of disaster. I mean, my sisters hair straighten-ers breaking would be a disaster. Whereas, the Tsunami and Asian earthquakes are ACTUAL disasters.

Why do we presume to tell God of his plan for us, rather than actually listening and being obedient? We are the ones muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing his purposes. Let us answer the questions and God ask them.

Tuesday 15th November

“Well, another Bangor beach day, just chilling and listening to God. Truly Amazing. I’ve really had my mind on Job the last few days – the book from the Bible, and the song by Cindy Morgan. Which I didn’t actually know was about Job until Glenn told me. There was a time earlier where I just stood in pure awe of God, the beach, the power of it all just overwhelmed me. It was truly amazing. I just hope God gives me peace to enjoy the world a whole lot more. As I just stood near the water, down at the beach, I just began to cry in pure happiness.

Nobody ever made me feel this way, I’m gonna stick with you. Nobody gonna love me better, I’m gonna stick with you.

There was class, amazing rainbow earlier and I could see exactly where it ended, I’ve never seen the end of one before. Despite the wind and cold, it’s another amazing day on Earth.

No one can see inside the love I’m trying to hide. Come closer to me.

I went up the beach and made a sign out of rocks saying –God *heart* You. Someone could stop by and be inspired, I get inspired by the most random things!

I know I have a place, here in Amazing Grace, forever safe, forever sound.

It’s amazing that we all have a reason to live. What is the meaning of life?? So many smart people ask that question, but for me – it’s simple. JESUS.
ZoeGirl’s – Reason to Live, is a cracking wee song, just perfect in helping to understand the reason for life and Jesus. They are a class band, very pop, very upbeat, pure loving life.

All I want to be seen, is the light of God shining on me.

I am just so excited, If I am completely amazingly in awe of our world, imagine heaven! Complete class, gold streets and unlimited Bountys!! Oh, the sun looks like it is coming out again. I’m going to try and play guitar soon.

One drop of blood from the whole in your hand is enough to make me stay.

Ok, in the time it took me to write that, the sun pure disappeared! Oh here comes the rain, I’ll be back soon!
*A bit later* I’m about one mile up the beach, about two hours later. The sand in this part is really nice and white. Sorry the writing is worse, it is cause my hands are freezing and numb. In the absence of writing, I’ve just had an even sweller time. All praise to God, today’s been class. My feet are wet, covered in sand, but I don’t care, because...I LOVE GOD.

*Even Later* Well, after I decide dot head back, I tried to shortcut the river. And of course I miscalculated the jump and landed right in the middle of it and near smashed my knee open. It’s kinda sore. Damn the stupid Beginners Guitar book, I cant even do the stupid chords!! But Damn Fiona even more for writing a song with a stupid C# and F# minors!”

Back to the Future

2006-09-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, Spetember 11th, I flew from Dublin to L.A. And it was a wee bit scary. There was heightened security. But the plane was sweet, cause there was hardly anyone on it, so i had lots of room to spread out and just relax. We watched a bunch of movies and then I listened to some music..and it was kinda boring, but uneventful. So i got into L.A around 3pm and Pete picked me up.

So now i am back at L.A. And it is weird. Just case it feels like i wasnt home. And now im scared cause there are DTS things happening and im worried that Im gonna end up ripped apart but not in a good way! haha!

I'll keep everyone updated...please email me if you want! aw_webster@hotmail.co.uk

I've got support letters for those who would like to pray and consider supporting me!

Luke Skywalker is Jesus! (in a way!)

2006-09-08T04:33:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of in shock. I came on Myspace and Hotmail to see what the world and my peeple out there had for me....and guess what...nothing...! Except one comment from my friend Jane saying 'What country are you in.' I'm disapointed and disheartened at myspace.

Anyway...today saw the last day of my medical testing. I also got my passport yesterday in the post with my visa in it. It's a very nice little page that says i can stay till next March. But *meh* i'll probly extend it when i am out there!

So Javed and I were watching Star Wars: Return Of the Jedi in our medical testing. (Interstingly it was gonna be called Revenge of the Jedi, but, George Lucas didnt thinkt hat Jedis would seek revenge, cause they are nice and all that...unlike the Sith)...and some parts of Star Wars really remind me of Christianity.

Darth Vader started out as Anakin Skywalker. A young boy with big dreams. He also had a lot of power. Which corrupted him and he turned to the dark side. (well, actually - the reason he turned to the dark side was so he could learn how to raise people form the dead after having visions were he saw his wife, Padme, die. So it really isn't as bad as people think) But...even through all his bad deeds, and not knowing that he has kids and all, he still comes through at the end and destroys the Emperor. However, this would never have happened if he wasn't redeemed by Luke. Vader was redeemed by 'the son'. Which to me seems like a Jesus metaphor. or Simile. Whichever is which.

Anyway...the point is, even if we do loads of bad deeds, living our life bad etc, when it come to when it really matters (which is a different stage adn age for everybody) there is a choice to make. We can let ourselves be redeemed by the son, Jesus, and live our lives better and in purity, or we can go down a road that leads to hell. But even if at anytime on this hell road we truly want to turn back, we can! Which is awesome! How amazing is our God that he will forgive us if only we ask!

I love Star Wars!

So, it is Fionas birthday today. I really should have gotten her something, but i have no money especailly with this whole America thing. So i will be back in the states on monday...which is exciting to me!..hehe! I will be going througha time of immense change...which is scary but exciting..and now that i'm going i wish i was staying! But its just nerves! i know I'd rather be in DTS. Well....I best go..maybe this will be my last Irish blog. Goodbye Ireland. I miss you.

The Tony Wars: Trilogy One

2006-09-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

So this morning as I boarded the number 77 bus, i started pondering how this day would go. Whether i would get a visa. Whether i should blog, and if so what about. So i have three topics for you lovely readers.

Tony Wars Epsiode One - The Visa Hope

So Darth America banished me to Belfast to apply for a visa und er the watchful eye of Princess Visa Consulate. With much lightsabering force and having to wait in line....i finally used my powers to rtick the woman into giving me a visa! So...I got my visa, destroyed the death star and can coe back to L.A anytime i want! Although, thanks to Erin Skywalker Trine who initailly provided me with the visa money way back ages ago on a Mission Adventure very far away...

Tony Wars Epsiode Two - Attack Of The Past

Today i was listening to a song by Plumb, called God Shaped Whole. Its in the movie Bruce Almighty, so you have probably already heard it. But it just really blasted me back to past and the time i first heard it. It was sometime in May 2005, I was living in a house in Kilcooley Estate, Bangor, with my firends Gareth adn Ruth. They so kindly let me lodge there, cause my mum and dad threw me out after being a bad boy! So i was living there. (i wasnt really bad by the way) Glenn Woodward came round one night to watch that movie with me, it was nice. Ihad made pasta and cheese and had a good wee time. But it just reminded me of a lot of fun moments i've had with Glenn and the Bangor Crew.

May 2005 -

Move in with Gareth and Ruth. Learn to do washing clothes! Made real friends. Niaomi, Rob, Julie Gould, Mark Adair, Ruth, PC, Dianne, Pete...and alot more but i forget. Steve Gilk made me a bacon sandwhich on the way to school. (in his car while we were driving..he presented it to me when i got in his car) Done my A Levels. Got a Passport. Spoke in tongues. Read some amazing books. Hung out with Woodward and Gareth alot.

November 2005 - April 2005

Lived with Glenn Woodward for a while, enjoying many crazy antics such as him gargling salt water and him coughing it and nearly dying. Going to a conference with Jav an Fee and making videos about Glenn. Fiona announcing her pregnancy! Glenn making me go to bibley things...which i loved alot. Writing stuff in the snow with Mark Adair (we used our fingers...and wrote our web addresses!haha!) Going to Portstewart with Phil, Hammy, Ian, Marty, Joel, Lynne, Rob.That was so much fun, especially when Phil and me cracke dup when Ian tried to say we didnt do anything. So then Phil and I offered to do everything as a joke, saying 'oh we havnt done much we can do it'..it was a great time. There was a great dayi hung out with Niaomi and Laura ran the marathon and we hung out, had lunch in Pizza Hut (it was disgusting) then Phil took the cheese out of the pizza and made a gross cheese stick with it. Which got thrown at me.

BAD APRIL

however...this was the famous bad april, when the dark side of the force was strong. I listened to lies i thought were real from the tramp Satan, and i ended up trying to kill myself. I was just in the pits of despair. Even days after i totally wished it had have worked. Eugh, i cant even look at Anadin Extra anymore..there were really bad days, then i was living with Chris Dunn for a while. And Susanne was around alot. And im glad. Cause i got to know her and be her friend and i dearly love her. even though i dont get to see her much anymore. I love you Chris and Suz...marry each other. Anyway...cause of those guys, i got to spend more time with Tim - haha, what a flipping awesome guy. I am indeed in love with him too! And Jolene - my other half...i adore her, i hope to see to see her before i go again! Somewhere Over the Rainbow...Eva Cassidy is on now...it makes me think of heaven! I can't wait to go there!

Tony Wars Episode Three - Revenge of the Book

So ages ago someone commented, I think it might have Megan Burmester. (although I remember Fiona saying this years ago!) That my life has been full of crazy things, that it should be a book! So I've decided...maybe it should. My new project is a book. It's just gonna be about me and my life and where i've been adn where I've been rescued from...its a great story of course...so I'm looking for your imput too...and i'll put it in the book...something you like about me, or something you've learnt from me, or just something funny about me that you know...go for it! Message me!

This is me, Chris and Susanne in Belfast City Hospital the day i overdosed. Hence me looking aweful...

Adagio to Javed and Fiona

2006-09-05T06:03:00.000-07:00

Well...the last few days have seen some psychotic movements in my life. Like 'psycho airfares' which keep going up and up and up and up....
But thank you to the people who have said they would like to support me in my journey to know god and to make him known. (YWAM ALERT)

Anyway...I've got my visa interview tomorrow..for some reason im actually really nervous and a bit scared in ase they say no! Haha! I know they aren't though, which is kind of nice when God tells you a plan and your waiting on 'other' peoples answers knowing they are gonna complky anyway. Crap..i hope i havnt jinxed myself. But i do have a back up plan. Which is maybe abad thing, cause its showing a lack of belief. Okay..Backup plan BE GONE!

Last Saturday i spent the day at Fionas house with her sister and her sisters boyfriend. (Steven and Karen). It was a great day..we just hung out and had some food then Steve abandoned us to return to the mother country. (When i say 'Mother' i mean its cause he comes from England, who think they own everything..') So on Sunday i went to church, and hung out with James and Jess. WHo i hadnt sen in forever. This was a big summer for them too, they went to Uganda with Abaana (check out their site www.abaana.org) and had a really amazing time..and i feel a big change in their lives. I also hung out with Jeff, who just got back from his DTS a few months ago, just as i left for L.A i think...so he had an amazing summer of planning what was next and getting things sorted out. Then we hung out with good old Glenn Woodward..i.e Erin Gisi, but in a guys body...he was in Thailand this summer with YWAM seeing his girlfriend and working with the Ywamers. Then we went to church and Joanna came!

It was great to see her, she came with her sister Lindsey too. Lindsey really reminds me of my firend Anna..But Joanna and I and some other people had a great time. We went to play mini golf, and Joanna was just messing with the scores, and i think it annoyed Pete. But it was really funny! Lindsey wasn't diggin the whole golf thing though...she was well annoyed...s we got a McDonalds and drove home!

Then yesterday i hung out with Karen, Fiona, Javed and David (and the wee baby Love too)...we went into town..primarily looking ofr something for Fionas birtthday, but i dont think Karen found anything, or maybe she did. Anyway it doesnt matter cause she left to go back to England anyway. So we went to Roast and i had a great sandwhich. Paid for by David (thank you David) they all know im a borke missionary so sometimes they dont mind buying me things.) I'm really gonna miss Javed and Fiona whenever i go back to L.A. (I think i'm sad cause im listening to Adagio for Strings....okay not sad anymore im listnening to Prokofiev, Montagu's and Capulets.) Anyway...I will miss Javed alot. I just really appreciate him as my firend and what hes doing. Hes really stepped up the 'dad' role and is doing a fantastic job. I dont think ive ever seen someone so suited to it as him! And Fiona...well what can i say..of course i love Fiona...and it will be hard to leave knwoing that she has free time and i could maybe stay til January and make some money for Winter DTS and hang out with Fiona and the Baby. I really should stop calling her the baby...i mean Charlotte. Well...i must dash..not cause I'm going anywhere, but this blog is wearing thin on my brain and i smell paint and its giving me a sore head.

Just for my lover Karisse!

2006-09-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

These are some more pictures of that night...ah...I enjoy being sober now i look back on it.

That night i was a bit tipsy...

2006-08-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

Medical testing ended for this week. Im free to do...oh wait...nothing...i have nothing to do...Anyway...here is a picture my friend Debbie took that night i was out last week...*a wee bit tipshee*

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b90/djtonuk/d54d836d.jpg

Seriously i only had a ten pound note!

2006-08-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was a pretty fine day. I slept rather late...i had planned to get up at 9.30 but i think i slep until like 12. Anyway...it was nice. But i'm still kinda debating in my head whether i want to get over my jet lag, cause when i get back to America I'm gonna have to get over it all again!
I went to Queens (my university) to check my emails and myspace exetera, and I had an email from Helen Kemp (my medical tester woman) saying that ican medical test AGAIN tommorrow! (which was actually today, but im writing from a yesterday perpective) which means more money! Whoop! And i think she said she is gonna let me do it next week too! Which means I will definatly have enough to fly back when i plan! God is sweet! Anyway...i went to Fionas house and hung out with Fee, Charlotte (her baby) Javed, Karen (Fionas sister) and Steve (Karens boyfriend) I hadn't really seen them since January when Steve came over from England for New Years. I had just moved into my house and we had had a small party the night before. To which Karen made a hilarious comment about some 'gay' girls. There were some drunk girls i think she said were acting 'gay'. Not homosexual gay, but just hyper gay. Do Americans call things gay as casually as we do? Let me know.
So we just listened to music and had a little debate ove what to do. And i realised i hadnt taken my coat off since i got there, which was like four hours before! (not that thats important!) Karen wouldnt even make me tea! And Fiona totally hates me! Good news though...Fionas band are practising today, which means...they aren't split up like i thought!
So Fee and Jav went away with the baby...and Karen, Steve and me went to the cinema to see Severance. First we ate at burger king, were i used up my last four pound. WASTE. Then we went and played a game of pool in the Superbowl. Karen and I won! Only by defualt though, cause Steve potted the black! (That is always how i win pool or snooker...i think i have a 'defaulting win annointing'.) Then we went to the cinema. Severance was amazing..like Shaun of the Dead, mixed with Hostel...it was hilarious, and great and many other positive adjectives that I can't be bothered to write! Danny Dyer is a legend. He reminds me of this guy i used to go to school with called David Gray. Although we just called him Dee Gray. Or sometimes Dee Gay. Ah...high school humour. He was a nice guy though..he was funny and weird but in a good way. Plus he totally fancied my mate Noirin.
Anyway...after the cinema i had to get my bus, (otherwise i would have had to wait for like AGES)...then when i got home i watched an episode of LOST series 2 on TV. Then i watched Connie and Carla. That movie is amazing and funny! Plus they sing lots of show songs, and i kinda show songs...even the ones i didnt know! Its about these girls who witness a murder so they run away and get jobs as drag queens in a dinner theatre place! So they are women, pretending to be men, pretending to be women. It is hilarious. Especially cause i love Toni Collette. Oh shes in that new movie 'Little Miss Sunshine'. I really want to see it. 'Muriels Wedding' is amazing too. Anyway...after that i went to sleep.
I had to get up early this morning to go and do medical testing. So, i had no change for the bus, so i was gonna use my smallest note, which was a 10. So i get on the bus, and the bus driver *bitch alert* is like, 'Can i just ask you WHY you would get on the bus with no change?'...and i was really embarrassed...i just said 'Sorry, it's all i have...what should i do?' And she was like 'Next time have change.' WELL EXCUSE ME IF THE BANK MACHINE DOESNT GIVE OUT COINS YOU DAFT COW! Anyway im sure she is nice in real life. Probably just grumpy cause it was early. But then a guy got on after me, with a samller note (a 5) and she was all, 'Why does no-one have change?'...seriousy wise up woman or I wont even get your stoopid bus!
So i went to medical testing were i starting readin my DTS book, 'Is that really You God?'. It is surprisingly good, i'm nearly finished. Just cause i was there for three hours and I'm a pretty fast reader. Although the other three people there had laptops, i felt so old school with my book. Plus one guy was watching 'Friends' on his laptop and i really wanted to see the screen. But all i could hear was the audio. I feel bad for blind people. Except that time iw as blind at City Walk in L.A...that was amazing! Trine led me around and people actually got out of my way and stuff! It is a vintage act though..i used to do it all the time in school to the substitute teachers and they would belive it! Ah...deception...

Flip...I'm a Missionary!

2006-08-31T05:58:00.000-07:00

It was so nice just being at church yesterday. I was really happy. It was weird just hearing our worship band and seeing all my old friends. It was awesome. After church I went around Bangor and just had a look in a few shops. I totally forgot that before i left, i had lent my mate Rab some money adn he gimme it back. Which is awesome to see God provide. And then my medical tester said she would run an extra day, JUST FOR ME! What an awesome woman.
So i was shopping around Bangor. Not buying anything though, just enjoying looking. I had some lunch in KFC. The KFC in America sucks, they are partnered with Taco bell and its gross. But our KFC is KFCuking amazing! (hehe see what i did there....) Then i finished reading my Nate Saint book. Its really weird. I feel really drawn to that whole story. Like i want to go and live with the Aucas in Ecuador. After that i met up with Sooze and Chris and had some tea. (and an apple juice) I really mised them this summer...just cause they were a pretty big part of my life before i left...what with the whole suicide thing and all. So...my time here draws shorter everyday (obviously) and I'm actually glad time is going a bit faster. Cause i am so bored. bored, bored bored. Although i think i am going out to the Limelight tomorrow night. (its like this rock grunge bar place.) But they play good music and i have nothing better to do. BUt now im thinking..i shouldnt go..i dont want to be one of those christians who compromise...hmm...okay so i just decided not to go.
'All i have needed his hand will provide. Hes alwasy been faithful to me.'
So...as I leave on this adventure, it just hit me. I am a missionary. Its a bit crazy, a LOT exciting, but extremly true. THis summer as YWAM LA MA Staff has really opened my eyes. L.A is far from the glamour we see on the T.V. In reality, Hollywood is about a half mile of greed, idolatry and broken people. People worship those white planks that spell out H.O.L.L.Y.W.O.O.D - and just a hundred metres away there is a small cross on the same hill. Where are our priorities? This city will come to God though...i just know it. So keep praying!
So I am going to be training under the DTS programme and then hopefully a secondary school that will lead into further Leadership full time MA things. Which will draw in thousands of kids from the local area and across America. Then i can bring it home and set it up in our YWAM bases.
I'm looking forawrd to Juvenile Hall. This isn't no tame Hydebank, its gang members, bloods, crips, the south central L.A guys...Yet seeing them respond to our help and love is weirdly amazing.
So i am gonna destroy that box that i put God in. That 'Maybe' box. Maybe he'll heal. Maybe he'll provide. He WILL heal. He WILL provide. It's his nature....
So yeah..I'm a missionary..full time...no uni...no pay...just one objective..to set the world on fire.
Until next time hombres,
Tony.